From Hello To Goodbye
by musical-cynders
Summary: A story of coping when a situation is presented, a story of love and endurance..... Involving Jude and Tommy.
1. Chapter 1

**This is much more different than what I am used to posting stories in, lol... Anyway I guess I should introduce myself, I'm Cyndi, I live in So-Cal, I turn 21 tomorrow. There you have it, the big age bomb. I don't care that I'm older than the average, all I know is I like Instant Star and find it easy to write about it. I am a publised author,way back in the day I wrote poetry like a mad woman,two of them were entered in a contest and I came in runner upwith each poem. One of themwaspublised in apoetry book. I wrote a few short stories, each of them were weirdand Stephen King-ish, so I had to dig a little deeper to keep this story normal. Hehe. **

**Somethingabout me that I'll mention just this once, only because I may not be able to post as often as other ff writers do. My dad is dying and he requires all around full care. I drive him to and from appointments throughout the week each week. So any time I may not be able to get on I'm most likey taking care of things for him.**

**I had a story on the N called "She Fell In Love" but that was deleted and my account was disabled. SO I decided to bring my stories over here. I had this plot in my head for "From Hello To Goodbye"a while ago and was just going to make it a long one shot but later decided to make it into a short story. I don't want to drag it out, I think the feel and power are more in depth if I keep the content exactly where it needs to be, leaving all the extras out of this one. I'm going right into the story plot on this one, so please don't ask me how and when things happened, I believe anyone who reads this can have fun picturing how they think Jude and Tommy wound up together. All other details that need to be answered will be in the story. I hope you enjoy this!**

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Her hand gently slipped into his, their fingers intertwined together, like they did so many times before. Linking the pair together; mind, body and soul, always joined, forever one. His grip tightened in her embrace, cutting off any blood circulation from feeding her hand. Tears brimmed the edges of her eyelids as words were finally spoken into the tensed silence the room created around them.

"I'm afraid the results are far worse than anticipated."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Mrs. Quincy," Pausing Dr. Jacobson looked from Jude over to Tommy, "Mr. Quincy, the results from the lab work are devastating."

Jude felt her heart momentarily stop beating as Dr. Jacobson's words unscrambled themselves in her brain. Shaking her head in disbelief she shot a glance over towards Tommy, his face was masked, anytime he was covering an emotion he visibly put up a shield, one of his attributes she grew to hate.

"Devastating?" Jude asked.

Nodding, "All the symptoms we recorded over the past two weeks, the ones we thought would disappear, apparently were signs of something far worse." Replied the doctor.

"Devastating? Far worse? Can you please just tell us what is going on?" Jude snapped.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Shuffling through paperwork Dr. Jacobson continued, "The tumor in the brain is back, as well are showings of spinal cord tumors, all of the placements are damaging."

"_What?_" Jude audibly asked on a whisper.

Shock slammed against her as she tried to process the information. Tommy's hand tightened in hers, his first sign of emotion since they had been seated in the doctors office an hour earlier. She slowly turned her head to face her husband, she could not believe this was happening to them; again. Tommy's gaze met hers, silently he tried to comfort her; a comfort she desperately needed.

"What does this mean?" Tommy finally asked.

"The tumors on the spinal cord are indeed growing, meaning we can try to stop them with proper medication---"

"But?" Jude interrupted.

Sighing Dr. Jacobson turned his gaze toward Jude, "Usually we find them in clusters along certain points on the cord, but in this case, they are spread all over."

"What about the brain tumor? Is there anyway to stop it? Like before?"

"Medicine only goes so far."

"Chemo? Radiation," Jude squeezed Tommy's hand as she talked to the doctor, "Anything? What the hell do you mean it only goes so far?"

"Mrs. Quincy, we were able to stop the brain tumor last year, but we were not presented with this in depth situation at that time."

Using her free hand Jude dragged it through her hair, nervousness and fear completely taking over her body. This day, this moment was not happening. She had already done this before, just a year and a half ago, they went through this. Here she was sitting in the very same office, holding on to her husbands hand, hearing the same devastating news. Only this time, it was far more worse than the time before. _Not again! Not to me, not to Tommy! _Tommy cleared his throat next to her, something he did when he was uncomfortable. She felt his eyes on her as she tried to calm herself down enough to ask the questions she knew needed to be asked.

"We were supposed to be done with this," Jude stated, "The tumor went away, it cleared up, and the medication after the recovery kept it from coming back---now you're telling us that not only has the brain tumor come back but also tumors on the spinal cord? How did this happen? Explain it to me doctor."

"Mrs. Quincy, you know as well as I do that some things in life are unexplainable, the tumors are just as much a shock to me and my staff as they are to you and your husband."

"How painful is this going to be?" Tommy quietly asked from his seat.

"Levels depend on exactly where the tumors are located, some circumstances pain is felt in many areas of the body, due to the spinal pressure affecting the nerves."

Tommy nodded silently before asking, "What happens with the new tumors? What are the damaging results you mentioned before?"

"There's a cluster of tumors along the cervical column that are growing fast in size, I see those as the most severe at the time----but there are scattered spots along the thoracic and lumbar regions. Each of the columns send nerves to different parts of the body. As of now the cervical tumors causes pain in the neck and arms. Pain levels in that region depend on how fast they grow and if any other tumors develop from, near or around the already formed groups."

"And medication can lessen the pain?" Tommy questioned.

Nodding Dr. Jacobson rolled his chair over to his computer before pulling out a large manila envelope. "I have the X ray's here for you two to look through if you are interested."

"Right now I am more interested in finding something to fix this doctor." Jude angrily spat out.

"Jude." Tommy warned.

"Leave it be Tommy," Turning her attention back to the doctor Jude spoke, "Will the tumors go away? Can they be cured? Can anything be done?"

"I'm afraid the only option we have as of now is to medicate the pain, other than that, there is nothing we can do."

"_No!" _

Pulling her hand free from Tommy's, Jude cupped her face as a sob escaped her lips. How could Tommy be so calm? How could the doctor look her in the eyes and not flinch once while telling her there was nothing they could do?

Another cry broke loose as she felt Tommy's soft welcoming embrace as his arms enclosed her in a tight hug.

"I am very sorry Mrs. Quincy, I know this news must be upsetting, my staff and I are truly beside ourselves--- this is part of the job I hate." Dr. Jacobson spoke into the room, hoping that one of the Quincy's heard his condolences.

"How much time?" Tommy asked without looking at the doctor, instead he kept his arms tightly wound around Jude as her shoulders trembled beneath him.

"Estimated time to be one year."

Tommy tensed as the truth finally settled into him. _One year. _One year and everything he had ever known would be over. Not one single thing could prepare him for this news. Jude flinched and shuddered before she pushed Tommy away, only to fix the doctor with a glare.

"No! This is unacceptable," Standing up she pressed her palms into the dark wood of the doctors desk, leaning slightly over to peer her tear filled eyes into his. "You told us we were home free! And now look, everything is back and far worse this time. How _dare _you sit there and tell us one year, _fix this_!"

"Mrs. Quincy, you were home free, but these things happen all the time, I had no idea this would be happening. I'm sorry but at this point all anyone can do is provide the best of care we possibly can."

"How kind of you," Shaking her head in disgust Jude slammed her fist roughly on to the desk, causing the doctor to jump in surprise. "So what, you tell us this and then expect for me to shake your hand and thank you for all your help?"

"Jude," Tommy tried to reach for her hand but Jude pulled away. "Come on sweetheart."

"No Tommy!" Swatting at a fresh fallen tear Jude gulped in a deep breath. "_Why?_"

"I wish there was more I could do for you Mrs. Quincy."

"Please," More tears fell from her lids as Jude turned a pleading glance to Dr. Jacobson. "There has to be something, _anything._"

Slowly shaking his head Dr. Jacobson sadly whispered, "I'm sorry."

"One year, and then I have to say goodbye to my husband? One year and then he's gone?"

Not waiting for a response Jude turned around, pushed the chair she had previously been occupying roughly out of her way before running out of the office.

Outside the closed door she stopped to gather her strength, how she had managed to keep her legs from shaking was unknown to her at this point. Her arms felt heavy and limp as she lifted them to muffle the sobs escaping her lips.

People walked by her, nurses, other doctors, even patients, all of them giving the sad woman a glance of concern before returning to their destinations. Jude felt them as they breezed past her, she knew they were staring, but at this time she could care less. Not everyday a person received such heart wrenching news.

Her cries echoed off of the hall walls as she used them for support, pressing her fingers against the wallpapered surface as she sought refuge, anywhere that could take her away from this place, from this news, from her breaking heart.

"C-can you p-point me to the n-nearest r-restroom?" Jude asked between sobs.

Each nurse sitting at the nurses station paused to take in Jude's appearance. Many of them were Dr. Jacobson's, each one knowing exactly who she was and what was the cause of her cries. Sympathy and pain filled each on of their eyes before an elderly receptionist spoke up.

"Down the hall, first door on the left."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all of you who left me replies. They were really encouraging, I appreciate them a lot. **

**This chapter is a little lighter than the first one, I wanted to break away from having this story be extremely dramatic, but also leaving the main heartbreaking theme in. **

**I hope you enjoy it and continue to read on….**

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Floral wallpaper lined the walls of the small bathroom, giving the room a shockingly smaller feel than what was comforting. Overhanging the one sink was a florescent light that flickered, throwing the room into eerie flashes. Anyone who ran to this bathroom to seek comfort, should turn around and run someplace else; this room was more depressing than sitting in the doctors office, hearing his life changing words of doom.

Pushing past the tan colored stall door Jude grabbed for the toilet paper roll that was left carelessly on top of the dispenser. Tears pooled from her lids while natures protest on her sinuses dripped from her nose, leaving her red blotched and miserable. Wadding the thin paper sheets into a tight ball she harshly wiped her eyes before blowing her nose, making no effort to stifle her gut wrenching cries that echoed off of the tiny boxed space.

Her hand shook slightly as she wiped yet another round of warm tears from her cheeks, almost matching the jell-o like consistency her legs were wobbling in.

Everything had changed for her in just one moment, the year before she had been so relieved and excited when Dr. Jacobson had informed her and Tommy that he had fully gone into remission. Now with her shoulders drooping and resting along the wall of the restroom stall, her heart was hanging by a thread, moving slowly back and forth in front of her, as if being dangled over the edge, just waiting for the perfect breeze to finally push it over. Teetering on thin ice.

"You okay in here?" Jude jumped and spun around, clutching tightly to the wad of tissues in her hand.

"Not really," Jude quietly replied.

An elderly woman who had to be pushing seventy stood just inside the doorway, her hand still held on to the doorknob.

"I heard you crying," Shaking her head in quiet pity she pushed away and stepped fully into the small room, "Never was one to let a crying person pass by without offering them a shoulder."

"I just need to be alone."

"No one wants to be alone child," The light from the room shadowed her face, leaving Jude to wonder if the woman was smiling at her or frowning.

"Sure they do."

"I never once wanted to be left alone when I found out about my Arthur."

"Arthur?" Jude questioned.

"Yes," Nodding she motioned for Jude to step out of the stall, "Come on out here honey, let me get a better look at you."

To Jude's surprise, she obeyed, clutching the tissues in her right hand she exited the stall. The elderly woman smiled a genuine smile at her, resting her small frame against the sink she offered her hand to Jude.

"I'm Lucy, never liked Lucille," Shaking her head in quiet disgust she locked her eyes with Jude's, "Mama had a habit of passing on family names."

A small smile lifted the corners of Jude's mouth as she limply offered her hand to Lucy. The older woman's grip was stronger than Jude expected it to be, she looked so small leaning against the sink. Never judge a book by its cover filled Lucy to a T.

"I'm Jude, my dad had a habit of naming his kids after Beatles songs."

"_Hey Jude,_" Grinning Lucy shook her head as if speaking the song title assailed her with past memories, "My Arthur loved the Beatles."

"Is Arthur your husband?"

"How did you know?"

A wave of sadness passed over Jude's face before she could reply, "Each time you have mentioned his name, your eyes light up," A tear slipped from Jude's eye as she spoke, "Same way mine do when I talk about my husband."

"Your husband the cause of all these tears honey?"

"Yeah."

"I meant it when I said I offered a shoulder," Reaching out Lucy took hold of Jude's shaking hand in her frail aged one.

"His cancer came back," Jude lifted her free hand, running the tissue over her blood shot eyes before continuing, "They say there's nothing they can do this time around."

"Do they know that for sure? Some doctors can be royal pains in the ass if you don't keep on them to run tests."

"This is the second round of lab results we've had to sit through," Sighing when Lucy squeezed her hand comfortingly, "Tommy, my husband, he started getting sick a month or so ago, after two weeks he went to the doctor, they found some spots, and well that lead to the initial tests, and then they sent in for another set to confirm what we were just delivered with today."

"How long?"

Jude answered already knowing what Lucy was asking, "One year."

"What a shame, Arthur fought Colon cancer for five years before it finally went away."

"And now?"

"And now?" Lucy's eyes briefly filled with tears before she willed them to dry up, "Well honey now my Arthur is battling lung and throat cancer."

"I'm so sorry---," Jude began before Lucy interrupted her, "Now now don't say that, things happen, and well we just have to roll with the punches."

"But how?"

"Takes time to learn, but eventually you have to make the decision to get out of bed and live what life we do have rather than letting it fall to pieces."

"How long did it take you to learn?"

Lucy closed her eyes, the memories of her past slammed into her body so fast she forgot to breathe. Learning to get out of bed again, learning how to talk without turning into a crying mess, learning to walk without stumbling, her lessons had been painful, to this day the memories were still like small daggers poking into her heart.

With her eyes still closed she whispered, "A long time after Charlie passed on."

"Charlie?"

"My baby," Slowly her eyes opened to gaze up at Jude, "Died twenty-five years ago."

Jude's heart broke for the older woman, "Oh my gosh, how terrible."

"He was only fifteen, had his whole life ahead of him," Smiling at the memory of her son she shook her head to erase the building cobwebs, "He was the apple of my eye, it took me and Arthur ten years to have a baby, we were so happy when I finally got pregnant. Charlie was the biggest blessing we could have ever been given."

"I have no idea what I'd do if I lost a child."

"Do you have any kids Jude?" Lucy questioned.

Nodding Jude smiled, "One."

"How old?"

"One month."

"Wow a newborn, must be a joy."

"It's totally different than what I was expecting, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"That's how I felt when I had Charlie," Lucy's voice filled the small restroom, "I wonder every day what he would have grown up to be like, what he would look like, would he go gray early like his dad, would he be married, would I be a grandma."

"I'm really sorry about your loss."

Pulling at a piece of lint on her shirt Lucy's remorseful voice broke Jude, "Me too. He missed the bus that morning. I had to take care of his papa, Arthur was so sick back in those days. By the time Charlie was able to get out of the house the bus was long gone---I told him if he walked he could make it to school in time. There was no way I could drive him, Arthur needed me at home," Pausing she cleared her throat, "Two blocks away he was crossing the street when he was hit by a speeding car. Witness's said Charlie was thrown quite a ways before he landed in a patch of grass. I half wonder if that was God's way of bringing him comfort before taking him home."

"How do you move on from a loss so big?"

"You don't, you learn how to live day to day, but the pain never leaves you," Pulling her hand free from Jude she used it to wipe away one of Jude's tears, "After Charlie died I hated Arthur, I never hated anyone before and not one person since, but I grieved in a way that Arthur became my punching bag. If he wasn't sick I would not have had to be with him, Charlie would have made the bus, and well he'd still be alive today.

"That was not the way to grieve, I figured that out one day. I was finally able to pull myself out of bed. Arthur had been crying from the next room--- I made my way to his room and there he was sitting on the floor holding on to one of Charlie's favorite shirts. Clutched right against his heart, I fell to my knees in front of him and we cried together, morning the loss of our precious baby, and morning for the sickness that was eating away at my husband."

"I can't even imagine," Jude spoke softly as her own heart mourned the loss of Charlie.

"Two years later Arthur's cancer went away, he was fine for twenty-three years until he was diagnosed with throat and lung cancer, and now that he's up there in age, there's no way he'll bounce back from this."

"How long does he have?"

Lucy shook her head before she smiled sadly, "We decided not to ask, when the day comes the day comes, I don't need to spend any time in between worrying about that."

"Wouldn't you want to know how much longer you have left?"

"We have the time we have, nothing is going to change that fact for us."

"But---" Jude tried to speak but Lucy held her hand up to silence her.

"Honey, Arthur and I come from a different generation than you do, we think differently," Jude shook her head in confusion, "My husband is a stubborn old goon, when he makes up his mind that's it, there's not fighting with it---so that's how I see it now. I can't know the haunting date, when the day comes my Arthur has to go home and be with the good Lord, that's the day."

Overcome with emotion Jude closed the distance between her and Lucy and wrapped her arms around the small woman. A sob escaped her lips when Lucy tightened her grip, holding on to Jude as if she were a small child in need of a band-aid. Jude was in many ways, she was wounded, her heart was bleeding out from the gap that had been cut loose just minutes beforehand.

Lucy closed her eyes against the wave of tears that brimmed her lids, so long she had gone without holding on to a child, giving them comfort. All these years she only cared for her husband, now Jude, crying against her chest brought her heart to a new extreme. She felt overwhelmed with love for the young woman. She may have just met Jude but she connected with her on a level no one could understand.

Kissing the top of Jude's head Lucy whispered against her ear, "You go home tonight, you pick up that baby of yours and you hug him to your chest. He will be the one that will get you through this year, that little bundle and your husband combined. I can already tell that you are a strong woman, love your husband like you always have, there's nothing else you can give him right now, besides love there is the comfort and care that will come naturally. That baby will be the one that will brighten your days when they seem to be so gloomy."

"Thank you."

"Thank _you _honey," Pulling Jude to arms length she cupped her chin before smiling, "You gave an old woman a great gift."

Sniffing Jude asked, "What's that?"

"Through you I felt like a mother again, ever since my baby left I lost that connection."

"You gave a young woman comfort," Jude smiled through her tears, "I'm glad you followed me in here, I'm forever in your debt Lucy."

"Call it even then."

"Deal," Hugging Lucy again Jude kissed her cheek before stepping away from her.

"Go find your husband now, hug him and tell him you love him."

"Will you hug Arthur for me?" Jude shyly asked.

Smiling in surprise Lucy chuckled, "Of course honey, as soon as I track down that old goon, he has a tendency to wander away when I'm not looking."

Lucy waved to Jude before pulling the door open and stepping out, leaving Jude standing in the small room, with the tacky wallpaper and the flashing florescent lights.

Blowing her nose once again Jude sighed before following Lucy out the door, walking down the opposite side of the hall, in search of Tommy. When she found him she would make sure to hold on to him, with no intentions of ever letting him go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for the reviews! This chapter is not at all what I had planned. Funny how you can have all the outlines you want, but when the time comes to sit and type you get lead in a new direction. The next chapter will be where Tommy and Jude tell everyone about his cancer coming back. I started this one out that way but was pulled in the direction of "interaction" I loved how I could express the feelings Jude's family has towards little baby Aidan. I know in my own family whenever a new baby is born everyone turns into quite the characters. In a way Jude needed to see the love her family shares, she feels empty at the moment and knowing she has the support will be poignant in this story as I continue with the chapters. I hope you enjoy!**

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"You ready?"

Her question echoed throughout his mind as he sucked in a long raged breath. Three days had passed since he found out his cancer had returned, this time around he knew the devastations were permanent. Jude had been unusually quiet since the news had been spoken. He tried to pretend everything was normal, deep down knowing it was all a lame way to get his wife to crack a smile. He hated watching her suffer, he had thought those days were long in the past, how he wanted to go back just one week in time, just seven days and he would know what it was like to feel alive.

Doctor Jacobson worked fast, the day after he found out the news of the tumors he was evaluated by three specialists; each one coming equipped with his or her own team of nurses and physicians assistants. Amazing how once he found out he was dying, people really began to take notice, any time in between he could live day to day passing by, not once would they look up and seem to care. After the evaluations he was sent to the laboratories where he sat through yet another round of poking and prodding. He wondered how much blood they took this time; they could do all the testing they wanted, but deep down he knew the results would be the same. He was still going to die, right?

The second day he was called in for a follow up appointment, after hours of sitting in the waiting room he was finally called in. Dr. Jacobson ran by a list of medications, all Tommy could do was sit there and try to stop the wave of tears that had threatened to fall. The second day was when he really felt the truth settle in. Denial, the first step in grief, the first rung on the ladder to acceptance, Tommy had gone straight for the first one, not even paying attention to the words the doctors were saying, skipping right past, only to land flat in his blissfully painful state of denying he was sick. Lasting only one day, because by the time he was being handed medication referrals he was swimming past the lake of pretending and headed straight towards the raging waters of anger. Oh he had marched out of the doctors office wearing the biggest mask of terror and fury…how could his life turn so miserably in just a matter of hours? How could he be alive one day, living as though he were the happiest man alive (and he was) then get up the next and find his life in utter chaos?

Jude was his saving grace, after returning home that day he found his wife sitting down in the living room holding their son. She had looked so sad sitting there, her hair hung limply around her face, her eyes bloodshot and empty. Tommy had stood in the doorway clutching his fist against his heart, as if the action would keep it from breaking. All the anger he had felt driving home had disappeared the moment he saw his Jude. She was his life, his everything, he lived everyday for her and his son. A small sob had escaped his lips causing Jude to jump and turn towards him, frozen in place Tommy had stared into her broken eyes, finding his resolve melting away…the cold block that had molded his heart chipped. Seconds passed before either one of them made any movement, Jude was the first to recover, blinking away the misery she turned her gaze to her sleeping baby before lifting her head again to see Tommy. A smile lifted her lips, slowly the action took Tommy by surprise, he followed the wave watching as the smile grew until the light in her eyes was turned on. One smile and he had known, life may be cruel but at least he had Jude. She made everything better, even when a grown man felt like falling apart all she had to do was smile his way and his heart could be remolded.

"I'm ready," Tommy answered as he gently laced his fingers with Jude's.

With his free hand Tommy knocked on the door softly.

"You sure?" Jude gazed up at him with a weary expression.

"Yes I'm sure."

"Maybe I'm the one that's not ready," Squeezing his hand Jude breathed out a loud sigh, "Tell me I'm ready."

"Jude, sweetheart we are as ready as we can be."

Before she could reply the door swung open and Victoria Harrison appeared in the doorway, "Honey I'm so happy to see you!" Victoria happily said as Jude and Tommy shared another nervous glance.

"Mom I just saw you last week," Smiling up at her mom Jude leaned in to Tommy's arm.

"I know, but it always seems like a lifetime. Will I always suffer from empty nest syndrome?"

"I hope not, you call almost every hour."

Clutching her chest in mock anger Victoria grinned at her youngest daughter, "I can't help but feel this overwhelming love for my first grandchild, I have to know what he's doing all the time."

"He's only one month old, he eats, sleeps and yes," Making a funny face Jude spoke, "_poops._"

"A son after my own heart," Tommy piped in.

"On that note why don't you guys come in, everyone is here waiting."

"You mean to tell me Sadie is on time?" Jude asked in surprise.

Smiling in laughter Victoria stepped into the house holding the door open as the Quincy's made their way into the welcoming home. Closing the door she quickly followed the couple into the living room, upon their entrance everyone smiled and all at once flocked over towards Jude.

"_Hey!_ I get to hold him first," Sadie declared as she shoved Stuart out of her way.

"I don't think so dear, I'm the grandpa, I rank over you."

"No you don't, I'm his aunt."

Jude flashed Tommy a look of mock horror before breaking out in giggles. She knew once everyone was settled in her and Tommy would be spilling the news of his illness, but seeing how happy her family was made her heart feel so much better.

"I have an even better idea," Victoria declared as she too pushed Stuart out of the way, "Grandma ranks over the both of you so step aside."

"Mom violent? Who would have thought."

"Jude, mom is always full of surprises."

"I'll second that one," Stuart laughed as Victoria greedily scooped up the baby.

"Watch his head," Jude began before being cut off by her mother's look of impatience, "Sorry, I forgot you've done this before."

Watching as her mom walked out of the room carrying the baby Jude smiled sadly, a feeling of loss always filled her when her son was not next to her. How crazy the emotions snuck up on her once she because a mom.

"You look good Jude."

Tilting her head to the side Jude gazed up at Stuart.

"Thanks dad."

"No I'm serious, you really do look good," Reaching his hand out Stuart gently cupped Jude's chin, "I never thought I would see my little girl so grown up, you matured into a beautiful woman."

"Dad," Closing the distance Jude pulled Stuart into a hug. Her head fell into the familiar softness only her dad could bring. His words touched her more than she could have imagined, no one knew why she and Tommy had asked everyone to meet them there. Tears welled inside her lids as she tightly squeezed them shut.

"Come on mom, don't be a baby hog!"

"Sadie stop it, back off would you?" Victoria replied as she admired the baby in her arms. He was starting to wake up, all the noise from the Harrison's fighting over him finally reached his innocent ears. Her precious grandchild, some days when she spoke the word _Grandma _it took her by surprise, it still felt like Jude and Sadie were babies themselves, not two grown women. Running her finger across his sweet cheek Victoria leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"I think your mom is in love."

Grinning against Stuarts chest Jude pulled away to see Tommy standing beside her.

"What gave you that impression?"

"The fact that she took Aidan into the other room and has forbidden your sister from entering."

"That woman," Stuart laughed before kissing Jude's cheek, "I'm going in, she can't hold him the whole time like she always does."

"Good luck dad."

Tossing a wave over his retreating shoulder Stuart disappeared around the corner.

"Everyone is so happy, how do we break the news?"

"I wish I knew," Tommy answered in a whisper.

"How long does it take to get some attention around here?" A voice piped from the doorway.

"Well why don't you give us five minutes and then we'll tell you."

"Kwest man I didn't even see you," Tommy stepped forward embracing his best friend in one of their many handshakes.

"Proves my point," Kwest responded while winking towards Jude.

"I guess me and Tom are so used to fending off the baby squad we miss the quiet ones who sit in the corner."

"I learned my lesson right after the little man was born," Holding up his left arm Kwest shook his head as if the memory was painful, "I'm surprised this limb is still attached to my body."

"It's not that bad!"

"When people are baby starved it is, trust me."

"Wait until he leaves a present in his diaper, that's when all the goo-goo eyes are replaced with horror and I get handed the baby," Jude sighed as Tommy and Kwest laughed, "It's not funny, why don't _you_ try changing one of those things?"

Scrunching his nose in disgust Kwest replied, "No thanks."

"Yeah that's what my husband says too, men, you're all pathetic!"

Tommy and Kwest shared a knowing look before speaking in unison, "_Hey!"_

"Yeah, yeah, if you two don't mind I believe I see my two best friends beckoning me over to them."

"Kat isn't hovering over Vic's shoulder?"

Shaking her head Jude answered, "No, she called me the last time and told me that my mom threatened her, only after Sadie did," Grinning she looked over to Kwest, "I guess she shares your theory."

"I'm not the only one, good."

Jude's eyes met Tommy, he looked nervous, she felt it but she was trying not to show it, unlike him. Stepping closer to him she leaned up and gently kissed him before pulling away.

"Come find me when you're ready."

With that she walked towards Jamie and Kat, knowing they could bring her a silent comfort before she asked everyone to gather around, before she not only re-broke her heart but also broke the hearts of everyone who had come to love Tommy like a son, a brother and a best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

"He is so beautiful," Sadie cooed from her spot on the sofa.

Nodding her head in silent agreement Jude continued to hold Aidan's small hand in hers. The last ten minutes he had been opening his eyes, peering up at everyone as they took turns drooling over him. Victoria had finally lost her battle when Stuart barged into the room demanding that she take turns. Aidan was passed around from person to person for the better portion of an hour before Tommy stepped in and took a father's claim.

Tommy had found Jude sitting by herself in the empty living room, taking it as the perfect opportunity to spend some time with just his wife and baby before they got down to business. His plan had failed miserably, where he went the trail of baby lovers followed. Jude had grinned up at him as he quickly sat next to her. _"You can run but you can't hide." _Jude had spoken into his ear once the followers took their seats on the furniture spread across the room.

Leaning down Jude lifted Aidan's hand to her lips, spreading soft kisses across his tiny fingers. An action she almost favored above all. Her little miracle, Aidan had changed her life dramatically when he was born, gone with the take on the world attitude, fast replaced with a heart that was so soft and full of only love a mother would know. Thirty-six days old, four weeks she had been caring for this innocent little baby, and now for the second time her life felt like it had real meaning.

Sadie moved beside Jude, leaning over her to admire her nephew, "I still can't get over my little sister being a mother."

"You can't get over that, try _being _her mother," Victoria voiced from the opposite side of the room, "And watching her with a baby."

"I know mom, you're still trying to adjust to me not living here anymore." Jude replied as she finally tore her eyes away from Aidan.

"It does get easier as the days pass."

Nodding in agreeance Stuart said, "Plus there are perks to being a grandparent, you can give the kids back to their parents."

"I know dad, trust me you've already filled me in on all the spoiling you plan on doing."

Grinning proudly Stuart winked at his daughter. The plans he had once Aidan got to a better age would send Jude into a furry. He loved his daughters dearly but he always wanted to have a son as well, only thing was, Victoria drew the line at two kids, leaving Stuart with daughters. Periods, boys and shopping were not on his favorite list of topics. Having another male would have been great, now that he had a grandson he couldn't wait for Aidan to grow up.

A knowing look passed over Tommy's face as he quietly studied his father-in-law. He knew what thoughts were circulating through Stuarts mind, thoughts that he to had had once he found out Jude was having a boy. He always wanted a brother growing up, instead he had sisters. The plans he to had made were slowly fading away, Aidan was only a month old, he would barely be over a year old when Tommy would no longer be around. Playing ball, teaching him to drive, the finer points of being male, driving Jude crazy, all those immature yet moments he knew would be his favorite, they all flew out the window once he realized he would never get the chance to see his son grow up. His heart slipped another inch lower as he realized with sudden pain, Stuart would be able to live out his dreams, yet he would not, he would have to pass his son over to the other males in Aidan's life, he would have to go knowing that some other man would step in and take over as father.

Tearing his gaze away from Jude's dad Tommy looked down into the blue eyes of his son, smiling briefly at the beauty his son was. Softly snuggled into his arms, the only place Tommy wanted him at that moment.

"I remember when Jude told me she was pregnant," Tommy began, pulling in the attention of everyone, "Never one for tradition she waited for the oddest moment before spilling the news."

"Ahh, Jude told me this story," Kat put in.

"_Kat! _You weren't supposed to tell anyone I told you," Smiling in embarrassment Jude shrugged when Tommy cast her a glare, "Sorry Tommy, she's my best friend."

"Anyway," Tommy began, "She had been acting off all day, causing my suspicions to kick into full gear, I knew she was a little nervous about the concert, but never did she fidget the way she had been."

"I was nervous about that concert by the way, it was the first one back in Toronto that I had done since being away on tour."

"I know," Smiling over his shoulder Tommy brushed a quick kiss against Jude's cheek, " I asked Speed and Jamie if they knew what was up, each one said no so I figured it must be me over reacting. I do have a tendency to do that."

"Tendency? Yeah right buddy try full blown," Sadie sarcastically spoke from next to Jude.

"Yeah, yeah, now hush so I can finish my story."

Grinning Sadie motioned for Tommy to continue.

"Two hours I looked for her, I walked all over that venue but Jude was no where to be seen. For a while I started thinking that she flaked out and took off… then I happened upon her dressing room…low and behold Jude had been in the bathroom the entire time."

Quirking her eyebrow, "Uh Tommy I was not in there the _entire_ time, most of it but not the whole time," Jude spoke, feeling the need to correct him in his story telling.

"What does a guy have to do to finish a story around here?"

"I would suggest a muzzle," Jamie offered, only to flinch at the glares from all the women in the room, "Okay maybe not."

"Damn right Andrews," Kat reiterated as she smacked his arm, "You never learn do you?"

"Don't even answer that one Jamie," Stuart cautioned.

"I'll pick up the story before my husbands ears start to smoke," Laughing softly Jude kissed Tommy before letting her head rest on his shoulder, "I had been using the bathroom a lot that day, when they say pregnant women pee a lot, well they were right. The hour before my show I just decided that instead of leaving and having to rush back I would stay on the toilet," Shrugging at the odd stares she was getting, "Long story short that is where Tommy found me. He came in, started pounding on the door demanding I come out so we could finalize last minute details. You know me I pitched a fit and yelled at him through the door."

"I believe her words were along the lines of, 'Can't a pregnant woman pee in peace? Typical male coming in here demanding the little lady be at his beck-and-call. I'll come out when I am good and ready, until then you can either rejoice in the news of finding out you are going to be a father, or you can leave and shut the door on your way out.'"

Tilting her head upwards Jude met Tommy's eyes, his were full of memories. She knew hers reflected the same, deep down the pain was evident in both of them. Their memories were now laced with fear of the future, pain that was soon to come, agony that already began to take place. Her eyes shut against the sudden sting that pricked the inside, tempting tears to form; blinking away the sudden wave Jude reached out and placed her hand into Tommy's before nodding for him to finish what he was saying.

Clearing away the lump in his throat Tommy picked up from where he left off, "My first reaction was shock, I must have stood there for five minutes before the news fully registered in my brain. Then the elation took over, me a father? I never would have guessed, but hearing Jude say those words made me the happiest man out there.

I asked her to come out of the bathroom, she didn't. Stubborn like you wouldn't know, she made me wait a half hour before I heard the door unlock."

"You never told us this Jude," Sadie said in awe, "This is so cool, I never would have thought you told him while you were using the restroom."

"I never meant to let it slip, I did have something more romantic planned, but I guess this way is better. It rings truer to who me and Tom are."

"He loves it too Jude. Tommy tells me all the time how he wouldn't change anything for the world," Kwest offered with a smile.

"I hate to sound rude, but why is it you two asked everyone to gather here today?" Victoria questioned.

"Well," Jude began, "We came here to talk, like we are now… some things are better said when you have a great introduction."

"I wanted to tell you guys something, but like Jude said I'm feeling the memories flood back and I can't help but share."

"What kind of something?" Stuart asked.

Gasping on a breath Jude shot Tommy a panicked look. This is what she was not prepared for, she couldn't do it, the pain she knew that would flood their faces was too much to bare. Tommy squeezed her hand in reassurance before looking down at Aidan. The baby was staring up at him, his blue eyes mirrored Tommy's causing another pang to stir within his soul.

"Every time I look at him it's like I'm seeing him for the first time again. That feeling of soaring above will never leave me," Sighing Tommy continued as his eyes never left Aidan's, "Right after he was born when the nurse handed him to Jude, the first thing he did was cry. Jude was crying with him, so emotional, so beautiful. The first time she looked up at me with Aidan in her arms, I felt my heart burst with love. How can you love someone so much you just met? I asked myself over and over but I never got the answer to it.

How can you love someone more than you never thought could be possible? Jude looked so beautiful---her hair was tied up, sweaty and plastered to her head, she was totally exhausted but the moment she looked up at me I knew my life was set. For once I made the best damn decision. For once I felt like the man I always wanted to be, my wife and my son were and still are the most precious gifts.

This past month has been an exciting turn in our lives, learning to be parents is something no one can ever prepare themselves for. All the books Jude read, and the one she made me read with her, they never can express fully what being a parent is like. The missed sleep, two o'clock feedings, diaper changing, first bath--- all of it is overwhelming."

"Tommy and diapers don't really fit in the same sentence, he passes that lovely job over to me," Trying but failing to hide the tears that escaped Jude snuggled closer into Tommy's warmth.

"Tom Quincy will never change dirty diapers, but he will gladly do all the other parenting tasks," Grinning to cover the pain that tightened his chest Tommy took his time gazing at everyone in the room, everyone he grew to love like family. All these people he knew he could gladly leave his wife and son with. When he passed he knew that Jude and Aidan would be loved and taken care of, a knowledge that brought relief and heartbreaking disappointment.

"I have all these plans, places I want to go, things I want to accomplish, but the biggest plans are the ones I set for Aidan. Watching him walk for the first time, hearing his first words, teaching him to play sports, showing him how to play an instrument…crying with Jude his first day of kindergarten, hiding money under his pillow when he loses his first tooth," Shaking his head Tommy's eyes blurred over with unshed tears, "Celebrating his birthday's, staying up until midnight Christmas eve putting together bikes, eating all the cookies off the plate, stuffing his stocking. I-I think about all those milestones especially when Aidan grows up, teaching him to drive, giving the man to man talks about understanding women, watching him graduate high school, feeling the loss when he decides to move out, holding Jude's hand when he marries, rejoicing and yet cringing when we become grandparents.

A fathers role, a fathers life, one I wish I could have."

"Tommy?" Jude turned her head to face her husband, he nodded his head without looking at her. Giving her the silent go ahead, knowing this was the time they had to break the news, this was the time that all of their lives were going to change forever.

"All of you guys accepted me into this family, as a best friend, you have made me feel more welcome than I ever felt. My own family turned their backs on me when I was young, yet you guys took me in and showed me what real love is. I wanted to first of all thank you from the bottom of my heart, without you I would still be out there trying to live a dream that was never a dream to begin with."

"You know you're like a son Tommy," Victoria spoke with such sincere softness Tommy felt like weeping.

"I know," Clearing his throat once again Tommy pushed past the lump that continued to grow, "Second of all I wanted to personally ask that all the plans I had and have for Aidan are lived out, even though I know my role will no longer be there, I ask that you guys step in and shower my son with even more love. Kwest, Jamie, and especially you Stuart, he'll need the role of a man and each one of you I trust completely to take over."

"W-what is going on?" Sadie questioned in a tone full of worry.

Jude turned to face her sister, meeting her gaze with hollow eyes, "You all know that the last couple weeks Tommy has been fighting off what we thought was the flu."

"Yes," Kat wearily spoke up, "But?"

"He was evaluated and the doctors ran some tests," Covering her mouth with her free hand Jude chocked down a sob that was edging to cry forth.

"It was not the flu, my brain tumor is back, as well are some tumors along my spinal column."

"Oh my God," Victoria cried into the room, "What happens now? What are they going to do this time?"

"They are putting me on medications to try and stop the spots they see forming on my spine, and hopefully to reduce the brain tumor from growing in size, other than that they say I'm too far progressed to go into remission."

Jude flinched when she felt Sadie shudder next to her, her sisters reaction bit into her harder than she imagined. Chancing to look around the room she felt sorrow over fill from her heart as she watched her mom and Kat take in the words and slowly one by one the tears began to fall. Jamie wrapped his arm around Kat as he too felt the bitter sting. Stuart sat in shock as his eyes laid upon his daughter and son-in-law, a wave of devastation flooded into him at the thought of watching a man he had come to love as a son announce he was dying. Yet the worst reaction to Jude came from Kwest, Tommy's one and only best friend. They had known each other for so long, had so many memories and stories that only the two could look back on and share a knowing smile. Jude felt her body go numb when Kwest looked over at her with fear and terror you only see in a child.

"Tommy?" Kwest was the first to speak, even though his voice was hoarse, "Man tell me your lying?"

"I wish I was."

Sadie launched herself off the couch, "_No,_" Breaking into sobs she shook her head aggressively, "Tommy, no, you can't die! _Please! You can't!_".


	5. Chapter 5

**So sorry it took me two weeks to post more on this story. I have been writing on this chapter since I posted chapter four, but for some reason I felt it wasn't good enough. Today I think I finally have it. I'm breaking the main theme of it into two chapters. Chapter five will carry most of it, but I think it needed to be divided. **

**Thanks for all of the great feedback, I finally got this story started on another site and it's doing really well, so that I'm grateful. I love where this has the potential to go, I want feelings to be felt and emotions turned upside down, laughs**

**Mid-way or some where about'sin bold and _italics _I wrote in a flashback scene. I mentioned before that I would write in back history when I saw that it was needed. This story doesn't need too much, but upon writing this I knew that this particular flashback would be needed. I hope you enjoy and hopefully no one cries and if you do, I'm sorry, I think!**

**p.s. I did start a new story called, "Then With You I Will Cry" If anyone is interested, only one chapter up so far!**

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**Chapter Five**

Slowly his vision became blurry, throwing the room into a clouded shadow. He tried to lift his left arm, then his right to his face but pain shot through his nerves, instantly bringing about a cry in shock. The couch was digging into his back as he clasped onto the sides of the brightly colored cushions, poking slightly into the back of his head. Opening his eyes once again Tommy was angered at the cloudy like fog that once again blurred his vision. Three weeks had now passed since the devastation had started, by the second week the doctors had him on a set schedule for medications, now as the third week began Tommy felt the effects of both his illness and the medication.

With Doctor Jacobson's recommendation Tommy took off two weeks from work, long enough to get over the side effects of the new medications. Due to him not wanting to go through chemotherapy and radiology again he had been put on steroids to help reduce the size of the tumors, as well as pain medications. The first two days he had felt fine, but as the week slowly turned into two Tommy felt worse as the hours passed. Nausea woke him up all hours, blurred vision clouded his ability to navigate through the house, and the fast spreading spinal tumors were sending his body into physical turmoil.

As if on schedule Tommy would feel paralyzing pain throughout his arms and neck more than twice a day. Never able to pin point the exact moment the occurrences would appear the pain medications were slow to circulate throughout his body. Some bouts lasted longer than others, he could be stuck in bed during the night for hours waiting for the wave to pass, most often the pain only lasted a few minutes before disappearing.

Drawing in a ragged breath Tommy felt beaded sweat slowly begin to slip through his hair, leaving a trail to fall down his face. Closing his eyes tightly he counted to three before rolling quickly over to his right side, facing the living room of his house. Pain shot through his neck as he tried to lift his head off of the pillow.

"_Dammit,_" His curse bit through the empty room as his breathing increased to fast puffs of burning air.

His hands tightened against the cushion, deepening his imprints almost to permanent in the expensive sofa covers. Silently counting to three Tommy rolled his body into a seated position. His routine had become almost comical, first he would move to his side, count to whatever number he thought he could move on, sit up, then the last part. The part in which he dreaded. His feet sunk deeper into the carpet as his body tensed, _"Come on, you can do this," _Speech after encouraging speech, he always tried to find a way to talk himself into getting up. When the pain lasted longer than an hour he knew he was in for a few more, those bouts more painful, more devastating.

With his head as still as he could keep it Tommy slowly began to scoot himself closer towards the edge of the cushion. If his neck could stay still the pain lessened to a dull ache--- forgetting about his arms at the moment he continued to scoot until he felt his bottom hit the edge. Rolling his hands into fists he planted them on the cushion before slowly unfolding his legs into a standing position.

"There," Sighing in relief Tommy used his sore arms as a guide. Maneuvering himself around the now blindly familiar house.

Jude complained that he did not keep his pain medications with him, seeing as some of the time the body numbing experiences came about out of no where. This was a time he regretted leaving the bottles in the bathroom. When Jude had left earlier that afternoon to buy groceries Tommy had felt fine, he had laid down for a nap---waking up to the pain had been rough, worst of all was the occasional spells of blurred vision. _"Normal" _is what the doctors said, whenever he found himself temporarily blind, Jacobson would remind him of the tumor he had pressing against his brain. Who would not experience such symptoms if they had that happening in their own heads? A question Tommy hated the answer to.

The cool walls felt wonderful against Tommy's warm skin as he made his way through his bedroom into the master bathroom. His fingers slid across the stain-wood finish of his and Jude's dresser before once again connecting with another wall, this time he felt the door way to the bathroom, pushing past the half open door Tommy felt his way to the sink.

After opening the medicine Tommy popped a few pills into his mouth, washing them down with a handful of water from the facet. Gripping tightly on to the counter Tommy coughed in attempt to hold down the bile that rushed to greet him. Some medicines were easier for him to take than others. Three times he had the doses and prescriptions changed, when he had found himself constantly sick after each required dosage.

Dry heaves assaulted Tommy as he stood with his hands clinching on to the counter top. His knuckles turned white from lack of blood flow, his arms ached, his neck was shooting pain throughout his shoulders, worse of all his eyes clouded over again, casting his already dark life into an eerie shadow.

"_**I'm afraid the results are not what we had hoped for."**_

"_**What do you mean?" Tommy questioned from his seat across from the doctor.**_

"_**The lab works show a tumor forming on your brain," Doctor Jacobson spoke from his seat.**_

"_**W-what?" Gasping Jude covered her mouth with her hand to keep from crying out,**_

"_**Tumor?"**_

_**Nodding Dr. Jacobson looked from Jude then to Tommy, "We seem to have caught it in time. It's progressed enough to be a concern but not so formed that we cannot cure it."**_

"_**So," Shaking his head to understand what was happening Tommy asked, "So-- what does this mean? I mean what happens now?" **_

"_**My staff and I will want to run some more tests to make sure there are no other spots forming, then we discuss treatment routes."**_

_**Nodding mutely Tommy glanced over towards Jude. Her eyes were closed, but he noticed the bubbling tear that formed outside the corner of her eye. The sight nearly breaking his heart. They had been laughing and joking about everything just an hour before hand. Waiting for the doctor to show up. Tommy had been smiling, he had been smiling non stop since they found out about Jude's pregnancy.**_

_**A month had hardly passed since Jude and Tommy found out they were expecting a baby. Tommy had been overjoyed by the news. The smile that had curved his lips never left, he was going to be a father….Jude a mother, they had made a baby. He could not have been happier. Even though he had been sick, the love that blossomed his heart over powered his restless nights and rough days.**_

_**Two weeks flu like symptoms plagued his nights and stole his days. Jude had tried to get him to a doctor but Tommy thought the bug would pass, co-workers had been coming down with the virus and each one of them said after two weeks they felt as good as new. Waiting it out--- at least he thought he was. **_

"_**Jude," Tommy nudged Jude on her shoulder, trying to coax her from sleep, "Jude wake up."  
"No," Mumbling Jude snuggled closer into Tommy's body.**_

"_**Jude wake up something is wrong."**_

_**A migraine boomed inside of his head, the pain that ultimately pulled him from his sleep. All hours the day before Tommy had been fighting off a terrible headache, the pressure blurring his vision for at least three hours. Darius had finally sent him out complaining he was better off at home--- Jude had come in later fully concerned when Tommy spoke in slurred speech, his arms and neck were stiff, not to mention the numbing sensations that flushed his face.**_

_**Jude stirred from next to him, groaning from lack of sleep. A habit Tommy always loved about her except for now. His head pounded but he was fully alert when he tried turning on his bedside lamp and realized that he could not see. Panic filled his veins as he roughly shook Jude again.**_

"_**Wale up Jude, something is wrong."**_

_**  
"W-what?" Opening one eye then the other Jude pushed herself up only to curse from the light filling the bedroom, "What's going on?" Sleepily she questioned.**_

"_**I-I can't see."**_

"_**You can't see?" Leaning over Jude looked down into Tommy's face. He was pale, sweat beaded his forehead, "Can you see anything?"**_

_**Shaking his head, "Is the light on?" **_

"_**Yes," Worry defined her voice as she pushed the blankets off of her body, "Does your head still hurt?"**_

"_**Worse than it has." **_

"_**Stay there, I'm getting dressed then were going to the hospital."**_

_**Jude and Tommy had joked the first week about Tommy having sympathy sickness. They fought for the bathroom during the morning hours when Jude was up battling morning sickness, whereas Tommy was running in at the same time battling what he thought to be the flu.**_

"_**What kind of treatments?" Jude finally spoke up from her seat.**_

"_**Well, after we run more tests," Looking from Jude to Tommy Dr. Jacobson spoke with care, "The best option would be Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments, some medications work but the results are slow to start, the most effective way is through chemo."**_

"_**And my chances of being cured?" Tommy asked.**_

"_**Are very good because of the time we caught it," Sighing the doctor lowered his tone, "I always like to stress that even though chances are good for a full recovery, nothing is ever set it stone."**_

"_**And that means?"**_

"_**Even with treatment, there is always the possibility a patient will never recover."**_

Silence greeted Jude as soon as she stepped inside her house, Aidan slept quietly in his carrier as she balanced three bags of groceries in one hand and the baby in the other. News of Tommy's returning cancer had been spreading like wildfire throughout the music industry, someone had leaked the news to the papers, ever since then Jude had been fighting off grieving fans every where she went. Her plan had been to take the baby and run to the grocery store as fast as she could, two hours later she walked through the garage door entry feeling exhausted. Fans had been drooling over Aidan while telling her how sorry they were to hear the news of Tommy.

"Tommy, I'm home," Calling out Jude maneuvered through the small hallway into the kitchen. Carefully setting the seat holding a sleeping Aidan on the carpet she set the bags down on the counter. Tommy was no where in sight, although she thought she heard water running from her bedroom, "Tommy?"

Stepping away from the kitchen Jude curiously walked towards her bedroom in search of her husband. This had been a good day for Tommy, he had seemed fine when she left, normally Jude would have asked Sadie or Victoria to pick up the essentials. Diapers, baby formula, or odds and ends for the house, seeing that Tommy was good she had taken off, needing a way to escape the house if only for a few minutes.

"Tommy, you in here?" Running water filled her ears as she entered their bedroom. The bathroom door was open, "Everything okay in here?" Poking her head into the bathroom Jude found Tommy leaning against the sink.

"I can't see," Tommy spoke through clenched teeth, "God I hate this."

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Yes Jude," Tommy snapped.

"Are you in pain?"

Tommy brought his right arm up to his face before answering, "When am I not?"

"Is there anything," Jude began. Reaching out to touch his hand, "I can do for you?"

Pulling away from Jude's touch Tommy turned the water off with his free hand, his vision slowly began to come back into focus as he stared at himself in the mirror. He hated what he was becoming, his body was weak, his mind was shadowed with dark thoughts.

"I'm trying here Tommy."

"I know," Turning to face his wife Tommy opened his mouth to speak, "I-uh," Shaking his head in annoyance he walked past her, leaving her alone in the bathroom.

"Why is it every time something goes wrong you shut me out?" Jude asked as she followed him out of the room.

"I don't."

"Yes you do," Catching up to him Jude placed her hand on his shoulder, "You always did this to me, and now you're starting up again. It's like you want to deal with this on your own."

"I'm not doing this right now Jude," Tommy stepped through the bedroom door shutting off any further comments from Jude.

"You aren't doing this at all! That's the problem," Anger rushed through her as she followed Tommy out into the living room, "Ever since you started taking your medicine you've been treating me like crap."

Tommy stopped mid-way into the room and faced Jude, "How is that?"

"You don't ever tell me how you really feel, then you spew off sarcastic remarks all day long."

"No I don't."

Laughing in mock humor Jude threw her hands up in frustration, "I walk on eggshells around here, worried that one wrong move will set you off. This isn't easy for any of us!"

"This is happening to _me,_" Poking a finger against his chest, "This is happening to me Jude, I'm the one dying, I'm the one suffering, I'm the one, me."

Tears clouded Jude's vision as she stared across at her husband, he looked helpless standing there, she felt broken. Tommy's cancer was taking him, but it was also taking her, she lived with the ramifications daily, just like he did. Whenever they fought, which was constant lately, Jude would surrender, like she was doing now. Looking up into his eyes Jude silently nodded before walking away. Her white flag hung, swaying in the air.

"So that's it?" Tommy spoke from behind Jude, watching her put away the groceries she had left on the counter, "You pick a fight, then walk away?"

"Isn't that what you want Tommy?" Jude opened the cupboard to put away the cans of formula she bought for Aidan.

"No Jude, you know that."

"Why are you in here, I thought you didn't want to get into it?" Closing the cupboards quietly Jude shot him a questioning glare.

"I'd like to understand what you meant by you having to walk on eggshells around me."

Aidan picked that time to wake up, his small cries filled the room as Tommy and Jude faced off in the kitchen. Both parents unwilling to move, both hurting and suffering, yet fighting their own battles at the same time. Tommy's statement rang in Jude's ears as she felt almost relief fill her at the chance to flee from the room. He never wanted to finish an argument, at least not when he didn't come out the victor. Aidan's cries became louder, letting his parents know he wasn't happy. Tommy gazed down into his carrier, Jude followed his eyes, Aidan balled his tiny hands into fists as he moved them grumpily into the air. Upon seeing him words Jude never thought would appear in her head again slammed into her. **_"That baby will be the one that will brighten your days when they seem to be so gloomy."_**

_Oh Lucy, I wish I had your strength._

"He has your temper," Tommy commented as Jude kneeled down to unfasten the safety belt holding Aidan in his seat.

"I beg to differ," Smiling underneath the pain Jude lifted a crying Aidan into her arms, "Shh. Mama's here," Cooing into his ear she rocked him in her arms.

"You're a good mom."

Jude trailed kisses down Aidan's cheek as her eyes met Tommy's, "Yeah? You're a good dad."

"This isn't fair," Shaking his head in anger Tommy walked out of the room.

"What?"

Jude made her way out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Tommy had stopped, a picture on the wall of their wedding day, a picture of Aidan the day after he was born, a picture of the three of them the day Aidan and Jude came home from the hospital,hung on the wall in front of him.All times Tommy had cherished, now the pictures mocked him as tears warmed his eyes.

Tommy answered in a hushed tone, "Everything, why do I have to die? Why?"

Jude's hand stopped rubbing her sons back. She asked herself that same very question all the time, "I ask that question everyday, every minute."

"It hurts Jude," Tommy's gaze fell from Jude's falling until they lay on his son's small form, "You get to be his everything, and I get to die."

"Tommy, that's not true."

"Yes it is, I get one year, one year to put all my love into him, for what?" Tommy's voice rose as he spoke, "Oh yeah! _Nothing, _Aidan will never remember me, he'll never know what it was like to have me hold him, or having me tell him how much I love him, never. All he'll have is a picture of what his father used to be."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Jude stared in horror as Tommy made his way out of the room, she had been complaining that he never opened up about how he felt. Now that he had, she half wished he would have kept it to himself. The pain that flooded his eyes when he spoke broke Jude even further, left her feeling completely and utterly helpless. Aidan sighed as he drifted off to sleep, a sigh that shot love and heartbreak into Jude. Lucy had told her that horrible day at the doctors office Aidan would be her comfort. He was, just hearing him let out a small sigh as he slept made her feel alive. How one person could feel alive and broken at the same time puzzled her.

Tommy walked off towards his and Jude's bedroom, opening up emotionally had always been his downfall. Years and years of family life trouble had taught him to only depend on himself, he had shelled himself away from emotional hurt by closing himself off, shielding his heart. When he met Jude, she was the opposite, she wore her heart, she spoke her mind, everyone knew what Jude was feeling when she was feeling it. In song, in speech, or even in posture she always spoke her mind. Some of her outspokenness had spread on to him, there were day's Tommy let a room full of passer-byes know what he was thinking. Jude had showed him how.

When he found out he was dying his first instinct had been to run and hide. Pull down his cover and protect himself from falling apart. Jude on the other hand had cried, she cried and cried. He cried with her, but never in tears, he cried inside. Now he felt hot tears prick the back of his eyelids, a feeling that rushed through his veins. Pictures on the walls, pictures on shelves, pictures he stored in his heart swept his and Jude's house. Reminders of what his life used to be, what his life would have been.

Life was not fair, that was true, Tommy collapsed on top of his bed as one tear gently made it's way down his cheek. Every thought about life, love and death danced around in his head. Some laughing, some crying, even some mocking. Running his hand over his eyes Tommy's shoulders shook from the pressure welling up within his heart. Fear and loss pooled his gut, slicing into him.

Jude quickly and carefully placed Aidan back into his carrier, strapping him in she kissed his forehead before bolting down the hall. Tommy and her needed to talk, they needed to get some things out into the open so they could find a way to deal with his cancer. Drawing in a deep breath Jude summoned the courage to enter her bedroom. Stepping foot inside the doorway she paused.

"Tommy?"

Tommy's back was turned to Jude, but his shoulders gave way to his turmoil. Sniffing away tears he used the back of his hand to clear away the traces.

"Tommy?" Jude asked in a tone full of worry, "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking," Came his hoarse response.

"Thinking about what sweetheart?"

Shaking Tommy's head dropped lower as a sob escaped his lips, filling the room, filling Jude. Jude's body froze as the cry slammed into her, she had never seen her husband this way before. He never cried, never in front of her.

"Baby, talk to me," Her steps were small and silent as she made her way over to Tommy.

"I'm scared," Tommy's eye sought out Jude's as she stopped in front of him, "I'm scared," He repeated in a whisper.

"I know you are," Jude's hands slipped into Tommy's, "I'm scared too."

"I don't want to die Jude, I-I don't know how to handle this," His eyes blurred as tears pushed their way out, "How do I leave you? How do I leave Aidan? You guys will move on and I'll be dead."

Shaking her head roughly Jude took a seat next to Tommy, wrapping her arm around his back she let her head rest on his shoulder. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. She couldn't cry in front of him, right now he needed her to be strong, he needed _her_.

"I'll never move on, Aidan will never move on," Kissing his shoulder Jude continued, "You may be gone but you'll always be in my heart, I can't stand the thought of losing you Tommy. You're everything to me, you always have been, I'm scared too."

"I wanted him so badly, I love him so much. The thought of him never knowing me is too much," Tommy chocked the words out as another wave of tears fell out, his shoulders started to shake again, "_God! _This isn't fair."

Using his free hand Tommy wiped away each tear as they fell single file down his cheeks. Jude's head on his shoulder was a welcome comfort, she always was. He only wished he never had to walk away from her, he wished there was a way for him to never have to say goodbye to everyone he loved. Death was knocking on his door, calling his name, he felt it every day that he lived. Pain was breaking him, a once strong man. Once a man who felt like he ruled the world, now felt crushed and defeated.

"We'll get through this," Jude started, "Me and you, we'll find a way to make this time special, together."

Nodding Tommy surrendered himself to his wife as she wrapped both her arms tightly around him. He felt tears fall on to his shoulder, tears that were not his, but those of his wife. As she began to cry he cried as well.

"I love you," Tommy whispered.

"I love you too," Jude answered back.

Tommy's grip on Jude's hand tightened as they both sat there in their bedroom, holding one another, loving one another. Thinking of all they had, and all they were going to lose. Emotions ran high as they felt the resolves and shields crumble away, bringing forth in a weeping fashion, a bond only husband and wife could hold.

Jude's tears mixed with Tommy's as Tommy's cries blended with Jude's, bringing them together. As one.


	7. Chapter 7

**I have been reading a lot of comments about how readers feel as if they are experiencing the words I write for the characters, themselves. I really do appreciate the kind words, they are truly encouraging. When I write I put myself in their places. When I write for Jude, I write as if I am her and how I would feel, same goes for everyone else. The detail in the story comes from my ways of wanting everything to connect, every one thing to tie a theme together. Weather, nature, houses, people, etc. I love using everything to describe the scene, it makes it more real. At least to me.**

**Sorry that I took so long to post in this story. I post where I feel inspired… I guess that's the perfectionist in me. I wanted this chapter and the next two to be almost more special than any other. Not as heartbreaking but one that will leave you all with a passion and love for the characters. Tommy and Jude are going through a tough time, as we all do, there's never any reason _not _to find positives in a negative situation. With my dad being so ill, I spend most of my days laughing and enjoying what time I do have. Not everything about watching a love one die has to be full of heartache. I wanted to show that emotion with this story.**

**I only planned on writing just a few chapters for this story, so now here is chapter Seven…. I believe there will only be nine more before I finish…. To all of you who are looking for a miracle cure for Tommy, I wouldn't look too far. My story is about the journey between, Hello to Goodbye.**

**Chapter Seven**

_Seven Months Later…_

Jude's kitchen had been turned upside down. Over the weeks Jude had been planning a night out with Tommy. One that he could enjoy while not having to leave the house. The seven months that had passed since his cancer returned had taken a huge toll on his body. Had taken a huge toll on Jude. She worked for a few hours a day, Darius had been kind enough to allow Jude to bring Aidan with her. One weight had been lifted off her shoulders, she was able to sing while the baby sat in a play pin outside the glass window. Kwest had taken over her producing while Tommy lay ill at home, numerous times Jude would look through the glass and see Kwest bouncing Aidan on his lap while messing around with the sound board. A sight that always brought a smile as well as tears to her face. Everyone had been so nice after hearing about Tommy's illness. G Major had personally allowed Tommy to take a paid leave of absence, Liam had a heart after all. Sadie kept her job as a receptionist, many times she would watch Aidan while she sat at her desk. Other employee's like Sadie and Kwest took a keen interest in seeing that Jude had a happy work environment.

After a few months passed Jude and Tommy found a schedule that worked for them, while Jude was at the studio Tommy managed to get things done at home. Jude brought home compact disk's of other artists Darius and Jamie were interested in. Tommy being the studio's best producer, having his thoughts on how an artist sounded was an insight they still craved. Darius had been apprehensive at first keeping Tommy involved in studio work, he feared Tommy would wear himself out, a mishap none of them wanted to see. It took one angry phone call from Jude for Darius to give in, Jude had defended her husbands producing skills, warning him no one was better at giving advice, if he didn't allow her husband to at least review a couple hopeful's a week Jude was walking away from her contract.

Once Jude came home with the baby it was all about taking care of the two men in her life. Tommy needed a lot of care, his body had deteriorated greatly over the months, to the point where he needed a cane to get around. The tumors on his spinal column had grown in size, some spreading and multiplying. Twice Tommy had to be hospitalized for days at a time… the last time the doctors feared his body would not be able to recover, Jude had been told they would be surprised if Tommy lived to see another week. Tommy had proved all the doctors wrong, four months later he was doing better. Still sick and weak, but better. That was all Jude cared about.

Jude rallied Victoria, Sadie and Kat to help her plan out an evening for her husband. It had been ages since she had spent time alone with just her husband, away from his cancer, away from the misery her life had become. Kat and Sadie had jumped at the chance, they even took over… Jude had no idea what she was in store for.

Sitting on top of the counter Jude watched in amusement as Victoria tried to explain what _sautéing _meant. Cooking was something Jude never had the patience for, many times over the years, mostly after she married Tommy, she tried to cook, always ending in disaster. Tommy was better than her by a long shot, even when some of the dishes he created scared her.

"So this is almost like frying?" Jude questioned.

Victoria turned to face her youngest daughter with a look of frustration and amusement, "A little. Even though you don't fry vegetables, unless you bread them in batter first."

"Oh," Jude hopped off the counter peeking over Victoria's shoulder, "I once watched this show on the Food Network. This guy fried corn on the cob."

"What?" Victoria asked in horror.

"He fried up all these foods," Jude's finger perched on her chin as she thought, "I think he was trying to make it look like corndogs."

"We are not making corndogs!" Sadie complained as she walked into the kitchen catching the last part of Jude's conversation

"Wow, what a way to state the obvious Sades."

Sadie sighed in offence before replying, "Shut-up."

"Make me," Jude teased before turning her attention back to the vegetables sizzling from the frying pan, "That guy fried a pickle in cornbread batter, it looked really good."

"Gross," Sadie made gagging noises from behind Jude, "That's just disgusting to even think about."

"What! I was pregnant at the time, everything looked good."

Victoria let her daughters argue over what was suitable food to fry for twenty minutes before she shooed them both out of the kitchen. If they were not going to help then they needed to busy themselves elsewhere. Jude had complained, crying she _was_ helping out, even if that counted for sitting on the counter top watching.

"I'll call you when I need _real _help," Victoria called from the kitchen.

"How come I don't remember her being this into cooking when we lived with her?"

Jude's eyebrows rose in thought as she eyed Sadie curiously, "She ever talk about empty nest syndrome with you?"

Sadie looked up at Jude from her place on the couch before breaking out in laughter. Jude grinned before she laughed as well. Laughter had been absent in their family for months, replaced only with heavy clouds of darkness. Jude had not laughed in a long time, she almost forgot what it felt like to let loose and put aside her problems for a short time. With the smile still on her face Jude plopped down next to Sadie on the couch.

"Thanks Sadie," Reaching over to grab one of Sadie's hands Jude wiped away the remainder of her laughter, "For everything."

"None needed Sis," Sadie smiled before tugging on Jude's arm, causing her to fall into her, "Come with me."

Jude glanced up at Sadie in confusion before letting herself be pulled up off the couch, "Where we going?"

"You'll see."

**Part Two**

"Okay so is there a reason why I'm sitting on the toilet seat?"

With her hands perched on her hips Sadie walked through the bathroom door eyeing Jude with amusement, "Would you stop asking me that?"

"When you tell me why I've been sitting in the bathroom for the last ten minutes."

"You are so impatient," Sadie shook her head at Jude, "How does Tommy put up with you?"

"With _me? _Oh you did not just go there."

"I'm beginning to wonder how I ever lived with you for all those years," With her back turned to Jude Sadie hid a grin as she pictured the look on her sisters face.

"Oh shut up! It's more like how I ever lived with you. All the girly routines I had to wait through!" Crossing her right leg over her left Jude propped her arms on her knees becoming more impatient as to why she was sitting there, "Then I married a man who has the same if not just as many damn routines you do. Ugh!"

"Looking great isn't easy," Sadie said over her shoulder, "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Kat."

"Yeah where is she?" Jude stood from her seat, "She has my kid with her," Walking towards Sadie she tried to look over her shoulder but Sadie blocked her view, "Come on!"

"Go sit down young lady!" Quickly Sadie swirled around, grabbing hold of Jude's shoulders before lightly pushing her back to the toilet, "Don't ruin the surprise."

Rolling her eyes Jude sighed loudly, "Yes mom."

Sadie made her way back to the door, her patience was running short just like Jude's. She had sent Kat on a simple errand… Over two hours ago. Her apartment was not too far away from where Jude and Tommy lived, Kat could not have gotten lost trying to find the place. Glancing over her shoulder again she winced when she caught Jude's fire filled eyes. _Crap! _She thought as she willed Kat to hurry the hell up.

Movement filled Sadie with relief when Kat appeared from down the hall, "Took you long enough!" She hissed as Kat glared at her.

"You try getting everything together while carrying an eight month old!"

"Probably would have done a better job than you!" Sadie reiterated as she met Kat half way, "Right munchkin?" Holding her arms out Sadie took Aidan before noticing the bags Kat was holding, "I only asked you to pick up a dress."

Motioning for Sadie to walk back to where Jude was Kat replied, "I found some things that would make it better," Slipping past the tall blonde Kat hurried towards Jude's bedroom, "I'll meet you in there, I want to give some things to Tommy first."

Aidan tugged on a handful of Sadie's hair as she carried him down the hall. He had grown so much since everything with Tommy had started. Clothed in a pair of denim shorts and a red Elmo print shirt Aidan looked adorable. Sadie smiled down at him as his little feet excitedly kicked against her hip.

"Excited to see your mama, huh?" Aidan's chubby cheeks puffed up as he made gurgling noises in response. She smiled again as his little fingers pulled another strand of her hair. Drool bubbling on his lips as his noises grew more intense.

"You're cute you know that," Nuzzling her nose into his neck Sadie chuckled when she felt Aidan's mouth kiss the top of her head, "I'll forgive you for that later mister, only if you promise to drool on your mom as well."

"I heard that," Jude called from the bathroom as Sadie stepped in the doorway.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Yeah right--"

"Yeah right what?" Kat interrupted as she followed Sadie and Aidan into the small room.

"Sadie's telling my son to drool on me," Winking over at Kat Jude continued, "Only thing is he already learned that trick a while ago. Where does she think he learned to pull her hair?"

Chuckling Kat placed a couple bags on the floor next to the sink, "Wasn't from me. I showed him how to use his hair brush."

"So you're the one!" Jumping up from her seat Jude glared at her best friend, "He uses that thing as a hammer! On my head at that."

"Ooops."

Sadie chuckled before setting Aidan down on the floor, leaving him to sit and make spit bubbles. The bags Kat had brought in were teasing her to open them up. She loved dressing up, especially when it came to helping her sister out. She had to admit after Jude won Instant Star she did pick up a better taste in fashion…but when the opportunity came to play dress up knocked she answered quickly.

"So what was the big surprise?" Jude asked as she set a few of Aidan's bath toys in front of him. He instantly picked up the rubbery toy fish that he loved to use to splash Jude with every night.

"Well my friend you wanted our help for this night so here you go."

"Yeah," Sadie began as she peered into one bag that was full of makeup, "Tommy wont be able to keep his hands to himself once we're done with you."

Jude's eyebrows shot up in curiosity as Kat nodded in agreeance with Sadie.

Kat helped Sadie curl Jude's hair, spiraling stands before pulling her locks loosely into a knot, finishing the look with a clip that shimmered under light. Once Jude's hair had been finished Kat took off to help Tommy change into the dark blue suit she had picked up for him. Sadie had asked her to pick up a dress for Jude, both forgetting that Tommy needed to look nice as well. Sadie stayed behind to put make up on her sister. Jude complained twice before giving in, leaving Sadie to scare her when she pulled out a pair of tweezers from her bag.

An hour later Sadie was satisfied with her work, she grinned down at Aidan who was happily sitting in between Jude's feet… his amusement the hour had been pulling at his moms toes. His satisfaction coming whenever Jude yelped and squirmed saying he was tickling her. Kat joined them again, taking over so Sadie could help Victoria with the rest of their plans for Tommy and Jude.

"What's next Kat?"

"You help me pack a bag for the little guy," Kat answered as she bent down to scoop up Aidan.

"Are you sure it's necessary to take him for the night?" Eyeing the drool on her feet Jude asked before wadding a handful of tissue, "I mean a couple hours if that is all me and Tommy need," Wiping off the wet slobber Aidan left for her Jude looked up at her friend, hoping she would agree to leave the baby.

Kat responded by shaking her head before bouncing Aidan in her arms, "You and Tommy haven't had a night to yourselves in a long time."

"I know. But I've never been away from him for that long before."

"Just one night Jude, you know where I live, plus Sadie said she would come over with me, kind of like a training experience for when we have kids."

"Can't you use someone else's baby?" Pouting Jude tossed out the tissues before standing up, "It's hard enough to leave him for just an hour."

Kat looked over at Jude with a small smile, she knew Jude was having second thoughts about Kat babysitting Aidan for the night. She had heard many times mothers having separation anxiety when it came to being away from their children. Jude stood in front of her almost begging with her eyes for Kat to give in, Kat almost cracked before she remembered how important this night was for her best friend and her husband. Tommy was dying and Jude was running low on fuel. Jude worked non stop making sure her family stayed whole as they dealt with Tommy's illness. Her friend needed a night off, so did Tommy. Tommy needed a night to be with his wife, away from the stress of what his cancer was doing to him physically and emotionally.

Resting her free hand on her hip Kat said, "Sweetheart, one night, _you need this_. You know you do, so stop fighting."

"Okay," Sighing Jude smiled lovingly at her son, "How about we pack your hair brush just for your aunt Kat?" She asked Aidan. Chuckling when Kat glared over at her.

"Dirty pool Jude."

"You need to enjoy the full experience of motherhood Kat," Jude winked before sauntering out of the room with a new bounce in her step. This night was looking bright already.


	8. Chapter 8

**In trying to find a way to break away from having the readers cry every time. I hope I found a way to bring a little humor to this story. Everyone deserves to find joy deep down. Jude and Tommy need it… I have this chapter and Chapter nine also being part of the whole "date" theme… These two focus completely on Jude and Tommy.**

**Chapter Eight**

For the first time in months Jude felt as if she were fifteen again. The same girl who sat on the pier, with the water rippling into small waves, the sun glistening down over the city around them, and Tommy's strong arms wrapped around her. His body had felt big and comforting pressed into her back. His large hands covered hers as he showed her how to find the right chords on the guitar. When her eyes had met his, she knew she would never see him the same way again, that was the day her heart began to beat for the first time.

A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she took in the sight of her husband. Tommy stood inside the doorway dressed in a dark blue suit, the tie a lighter shade in silk, matching the pattern colors of her dress. Kat had definitely had her hand in coordinating their outfits. Tommy's hair had been styled, it had been weeks since she had seen his hair with product in it. Self consciously Jude ran her hands over the imaginary wrinkles of her dress, her nerves were beginning to take over. Her eyes glistened with love and tears looking at her husband. It had been months since she had looked at Tommy and didn't see his cancer, all she saw was the man she fell in love with as a teenager.

"You're beautiful," Jude whispered loud enough for him to hear her.

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to say to you?"

"Maybe," Smiling shyly Jude replied, "How is it whenever I look at you I have this overwhelming desire to tell you how much I love you?"

"Maybe it's because whenever you look at me you can see how much I love you?" Tommy asked.

"Possibly," Jude answered as she stepped closer to him, "You really do look handsome."

Leaning his weight on the cane he had been using for the past month Tommy smiled as Jude made her way towards him. Whoever had the idea for Jude and him to have a romantic night together deserved to be kissed. His body may have been in pain but when he looked up at his wife, every ounce of his cancer slipped away. Her blonde locks had been curled and loosely tied at the back of her head, her make up light, her blue dress dancing with each step.

"You're perfect," Tommy slipped out as Jude stood in front of him.

Jude smiled up at him mischievously, "Why Mr. Quincy I do believe you fancy me," She cooed in a lame attempt to speak in an American Southern drawl.

"Always have Mrs. Quincy."

Jude took Tommy's free hand in hers and led him slowly over towards the table that had been set up for them. Victoria and Sadie had gone all out, Jude looked around in amazement. The back patio had been transformed into a romantic setting. The balcony pillars were wrapped in tiny white lights, every other row white stemmed roses peeked out from the wires. Candles white in all shapes and sizes were spread out filling the remaining gaps around the table. White rose pedals scattered across the surface of the concrete, leading a path to the table in the middle of the patio. Jude led Tommy down the pathway her eyes filling with tears of joy. Her mom and sister really put their hearts into making this night special for her.

"It's gorgeous," Tommy breathed from next to her.

"Yes," Jude took in the fine china with crystal glasses, the white lace table cloth that draped across the small structure, "Yes it is," White, red and pink rose petals sat neatly around an arrangement of white candles, each candle placed gently around a vase of long stemmed roses in the exact colors of the petals on the table.

Tommy shook his head in wonder, when Jude had told him she was planning this night out, he had no idea it would be this special. He had taken Jude out a few times for romantic dinners but none of them compared to this one. The stars twinkled from up above, the moon shining brightly against the canvas of the dark sky, with the candles flickering about Tommy felt his heart beat for the first time in months.

"I helped my mom make dinner," Jude spoke as the silence between them became too much for her, "Help being the key word,"

Tommy chuckled, "Did you stir or pour?"

Looking up at him in mock horror Jude clutched her heart, "Who says helping only involves stirring something?"

"I've tasted your cooking before," Wincing Tommy ducked to miss Jude's hand as it knocked into his arm, "Lucky I'm still alive."

"_Hey!" _Jude tried to pretend anger but the glint of laughter in Tommy's eyes made her smile, "Okay fine! I chopped some of the vegetables and stirred the sauce," Chuckling softly Jude shook her head, "My mom wouldn't let me go any where near the main course."

"Always knew I loved your mom."

Stopping in her tracks Jude turned to face her husband, "Oh that's it buddy, you will so pay for that later,"

Tommy's eyebrows shot up suggestively, "Is that a threat or a promise?"

Jude left Tommy's question unanswered, she pulled out one of the wooden chairs, the one which had a pillow resting on the seat. She had made sure that one of Tommy's therapeutic pillows made it's way outside, ever since the spinal tumors had been multiplying Tommy found it harder and harder as the days passed to sit comfortably. Anything to make Tommy as comfortable as possible Jude made sure to do.

After taking their seats Jude and Tommy ate their wonderful dinner in gratefulness. It had been a long time since they were able to enjoy one another's company, free from the misery of Tommy's illness…free from having to care for a little baby. The night had been made especially for them, a joint effort from a team of women who loved Jude and Tommy dearly.

Hours passed as the two sat together enjoying the date that would forever make their love be known. Tommy and Jude's laughter mixed in with the candles murmur's, twinkling about in a dance that the moon and stars used to fill the sky with its overwhelming beauty.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

****

Slowly the door opened, Jude gasped at the scene that greeted her. Tommy's hand tightened around Jude's as he too took in the view. Sadie and Victoria had managed to recreate the patio romance feel in their bedroom. Tea light candles were spread out across all the furniture, rose petals in whites, reds and pinks scattered across the floor and the king size bed. The room flickered in a soft glow as the moon danced outside the window, shining gentle beams of light over the couples getaway.

"I can't believe they did this for us," Jude gaped as she stepped into her room. Tears sprung to her eyes as love overwhelmed her body, "They did this for _us _Tommy," Turning to face her husband Jude smiled shyly into his face.

"I'm speechless," Tommy whispered as his attention was drawn to all the candles that cast his bedroom into a warm golden blaze.

"I'm in love," Jude smiled widely as she spread her arms out taking in everything, "I'm in love," Echoing her words in a giddy tone Jude spun around once, letting her dress twirl around her knees. Her eyes closed as she clutched her heart with her hands, her body swaying to an imaginary song in her head…in her heart.

Tommy watched Jude with a smile filling his eyes, she looked angelic to him. The glow from the candles danced off her soft skin as her long eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks, her lips full and lifting around the corners as if she were on the verge of grinning.

"What are you thinking about?" Tommy asked.

Jude's eyes remained closed as she continued her dance, "After everything we've been through, right now this moment, I feel like I've never been happier," Finally her eyes opened as she found Tommy had moved, standing in front of her.

Tommy captured a strand of hair that had fallen out of Jude's clip with his free hand, "Right now, this moment," He spoke as his eyes held hers, "You've never looked more beautiful."

"Then why do I feel like crying?"

Tommy smiled before leaning in to kiss the exposed portion of Jude's neck, "People cry when they're happy," His lips moved against her skin.

"Am I happy?" Jude's head tilted back giving Tommy more access to kiss a fire trail of passion up to her ear.

"Yes," He answered before gently biting the tip of her earlobe.

A sigh of contentment escaped Jude's lips as Tommy continued to kiss her, his lips moving slow and gentle, making no mistake in missing an inch of her skin. The memory of being held in a similar embrace with her husband was so far gone Jude had a hard time remembering the last time she had been intimate with Tommy. All thoughts paused as Tommy's lips stopped a mere inch from hers.

"You're thinking again," Tommy whispered with a grin when Jude looked into his eyes with confusion.

"No I'm not."  
"Yes you are," His lips connected with hers briefly before he pulled away, "What are you thinking this time?"

"It's not important. Besides I'd rather do this," Her right hand slipped behind his neck bringing his face back to hers. Before Tommy could react Jude's lips were pressing into his, not as soft as his had been.

Jude lost all thoughts of being gentle as a starving hunger flooded through her veins, filling her to overflow with desire for her husband. Both of her hands cupped the back of his head bringing him even closer to her. Tommy's hands clasped on to her shoulders as Jude continued to deepen their kiss. Tommy forgot he was holding on to his cane as it fell to the floor, leaving him off balance, his body pressed up against Jude's, his attempt to keep his frame upright. Jude mistook his intentions, believing Tommy was only leaning in for more. Her hands slide down to his neck, her fingers tickled his skin before they pressed deeply from her want.

Pain shot throughout Tommy's head and neck when Jude's fingers pushed into him. His mouth broke away from Jude's as a cry of pain filled the candlelit room around them. Tommy struggled to keep from falling backwards, his legs were wobbly causing him to grab hold of Jude's hands.

"What's wrong?" Jude asked concerned.

Tommy's grip tightened as a new wave of pain trickled from behind his head, "_Shit!_"

"Tommy?" Jude's concern grew when Tommy dropped her hands brining his to the back of his head, "Sweetheart what's the matter?"

"Can. You. Hand. Me. My. Cane?" Tommy asked between grunts of discomfort.

Jude watched Tommy curse under his breath as his knuckles turned white from gripping the head of the cane tightly. Her mind raced with questions. One minute they were great, kissing and being in the moment, the next he was in pain and she felt guilty. Why, she couldn't put together.

"Tommy?" Jude asked again when her husband's curses stopped, "Please tell me what's the matter," She almost begged as her worry refused to go away.

"My neck."

"Your neck?" Jude's eyebrows rose in confusion before she realized what happened.

"Oh my God," Jude cried out as she stared in horror at her husband, "Baby I am _so _sorry. I- I don't know what got into me," Stepping forward Jude felt tears prick the corners of her eyes.

"Don't worry about it," Tommy spoke out as his free hand massaged his achy neck, "You didn't mean to."

"Tommy, I'm really sorry. Here let me---," She started as Tommy winced from the pain. He tried to move closer to the bed but his head was swimming in dizziness, "I got it."

**Part Two**

****

The candle's flickered and hissed from inside the glass holders, breaking into the silent room. Tommy and Jude laid next to each other on their bed. Tommy had managed to get his legs to steady while he walked to his side of the bed. Jude tried to help him but he pushed her away, needing to accomplish the task on his own. The pain in his body had minimized after Tommy let his body relax against the softness his bed was. He had been mutely staring up at the ceiling for an hour listening to Jude's sniffles from next to him, he knew she was crying… guilt from what she had done. Guilt pricked Tommy as Jude sniffled again, trying to quiet her cries, he hated it when she cried.

"Jude," Tommy's voice broke the silence, "Don't cry."

"I'm not," Jude croaked as another tear slipped down her face.

"Yes you are. Please. I know it was an accident," Tommy moved his head so he could see her, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's not your fault," Jude's back was turned to him as she laid on her side staring into the flame of a candle on her nightstand, "It's mine."

"No it's not. It just happened, I'm over it," His hand warmed Jude's back as he rubbed it softly, "Kind of hard to talk to you when you're looking the other way. Even though the view isn't bad from here."

"That's not funny."

"Wasn't meant to be funny."

"The view can't be that good, my ass is huge."

"Really?" Tommy asked in amusement as his hand walked down her back stopping when his fingers connected with her rear.

"_Hey!" _Jude cried when Tommy's hand cupped her butt, "Don't do that!"

"Hmm…soft," Tommy smiled fully enjoying his hand on his wife's bottom, "Plump. Pleasantly."

Jude caught the humor in Tommy's voice but she failed to find it funny when he called her butt _plump! _Before she could think she rolled over meeting her husbands laughing eyes with a glare.

"Plump?" Her eyes narrowed when Tommy chuckled, "So you _do _think my butt is big!"

"Would you look at that, I got you to roll over," Tommy grinned when Jude put two and two together.

"You jerk! That was just a way to get me to look at you?"

"Maybe."

"Is my butt big?"

Laughing Tommy shifted rolling over to his right side so he could be face to face with Jude, "Let me check it out again," His left hand stretched over her body once again cupping his wife's bottom, "Nope not big," Pulling Jude closer to his body Tommy sighed in delight, "I'd say it's perfect."

"Good answer."

"Know what else is perfect?"

Tommy's eyes met hers before she asked, "What?"

With his hand still resting against her backside Tommy sought out Jude's mouth was his. She sighed into his mouth before letting his smooth lips do what ever they wanted. All Jude had ever wanted was Tommy… he completed all her missing pieces. As he gently took his sweet time kissing her Jude never felt more at peace.

"Us," Tommy whispered when he pulled away.

"Do you remember what you said to me on our honeymoon?" Jude asked. Her head had been resting on Tommy's chest for a few minutes. Both enjoying being wrapped in each other's embrace.

"I said a lot of things," Tommy answered. His hands drawing circles against Jude's back.

"Right after we got to the hotel you pulled me aside," Pulling herself up Jude used Tommy's chest as an anchor so she could look him in the eye, "There was nothing special about the moment, no sunset, no stars in the sky, just a room with only me and you. But somehow you made it feel like I was standing before the most beautiful setting… when you looked down at me, your blue eyes, the ones I always dreamed about," Jude's eyes smiled lovingly into the sea blue eyes of the man she loved with everything she had, "You said, 'I think I've always loved you, even before we met, I loved you. When I first met you I felt complete. I couldn't explain the feeling but after a while I knew what it was…. After I fell completely, I knew it was love. I loved you before, I fell in love with you later, and now that my heart beats only for you I know I'll love you forever,'" Jude's voice lowered to a whisper as emotions threatened to halt what she way saying. Tommy stared at her, her breath warming his skin as she whispered, "I never said it to you then… but now I want you to know that I always loved you too. Before I met you, while we were getting to know each other, and now. I loved you, and I will continue to love you each day that I live."

Their lips met, no words could be said that would make the moment any better. His love for her and her love for him was enough. Tommy pulled Jude up on top of him as his lips trailed hot kisses over her face, tasting the sweetness her skin offered him. Jude's body melted into her husbands, her legs intertwining with his, her hands gently resting inside of his as he managed to roll them over to their sides, his lips never parting from hers.

Pain Tommy had felt previously disappeared, the switch had been turned off, allowing him to be in the moment. A moment in which he would never be able to have again. A moment in which he felt more passion, more desire for his wife than he had ever felt before. One of Jude's hands slipped from his, sliding up his chest before stopping at the top of his shirt. Capturing his lips with hers Jude struggled to unbutton Tommy's shirt. She never had mastered undressing him with one hand, Tommy had it down perfectly, her on the other hand, she always wound up giving in, letting Tommy help her.

Tommy broke away from the kiss, pushing himself into a sitting position he grinned over at Jude as he watched her sit up as well.

"We're getting old."

"What do you mean?" Jude asked as she settled for sitting on her knees in front of him.

"We used to be able to do the whole undressing thing within seconds."

Jude chuckled before she reached out to undo the top button of his dark colored shirt, "Don't make me laugh, that blows the whole romantic vibe we had going."

"Didn't plan on ruining it."

**Part Three**

****

Memories pooled through Tommy's mind, ones he held most dear. Jude would never know how much she had touched him by remembering what he had said to her on their honeymoon… he did remember saying that to her, at the time entering the hotel room had been unromantic but once his eyes met his wife's, once his heart began to beat rapidly the way it always did when he saw Jude, once the realization that he was married to her finally hit him, that was when Tommy felt those words slip out. Naturally. Perfectly.

He was dying yet he felt more alive than he ever had. A contradiction to the fullest. Jude's head rest against his bare chest, her hair down, tickling his skin. Sending sensations throughout his veins. Her ear was placed over his heart, her eyes closed…her fingers exploring his shoulders and neck.

Tommy and Jude took their love slowly. No rushing needed, they had all the time they could ever need, time to show one another what their love meant. Hands explored, running the lengths of their bodies, making sure nothing was left untouched. Kisses exchanged, tracing paths of fire and passion.

Hours later Jude let Tommy's peaceful breathing sing to her, she lay awake wrapped within his embrace. Tommy had fallen asleep, the sight bringing a smile to her eyes. Sliding out from under his arm Jude sat up carefully, pulling the sheet with her as she moved on to her knees. Tommy was sleeping peacefully but she always worried about him, even after the night they had shared… Scooping up one of her fallen pillows from the floor Jude managed to slip it underneath Tommy's back without waking him up. Satisfied that he would remain comfortable throughout the night Jude laid back down, once again using Tommy's chest as a pillow. His heartbeat her lullaby.

As the moon and stars twinkled from outside the window, lighting the sky, sending soft beams through the window, shadowing the room in an elegance wrapped in enchantment, all the candles hissed their reverberation's from within the crystal holders, casting the room in a radiance only lovers would know. Scents from the rose petals filtered the air, scattering a scene of beauty one would only imagine coming from a fairytale.

"My Heart. My Soul. I'll forever love you," Jude whispered before the beat of Tommy's heart carried her away to dreams only her husband would be in.


	10. Chapter 10

**FOREVER! I know, I am so sorry it took me so long to post in this story. I have been so stuck on this chapter. I knew where I wanted it to go but when it came to getting the words out I hit a road block. This chapter is long, but I like it a lot. It was fun to write…. Regina, if you read this I dedicate this one to you. At the end I hope you know why!**

**Chapter Ten**

_Three Months Later…_

"Now aren't you just a handsome young man."

Jumping slightly from the disturbance Tommy glanced up, his eyes meeting those of an elderly woman. She smiled down at him.

"Sorry to scare you darling," Her voice kind as she spoke to him, "I saw you sitting here alone and thought I'd come flirt a little."

"Flirt?" Chuckling Tommy grinned up at her.

"Yeah. Haven't done it in years, so maybe you could teach me a thing or two."

Tommy reached over the seat next to his, lifting up his carry bag he motioned for the woman to take a seat.

"Something tells me you would have no problem in that department."

Chuckling as she took a seat she replied, "Something tells _me _you have no problem in that department either."

"I don't want to brag or anything," Tommy began as he smiled winningly at her, "_but, _you would be correct."

"Would you be surprised if I told you I was quite the popular one back in my day?"

"You mean your days are over?" Pulling out his charm Tommy added a wink as the woman blushed slightly.

"Goodness gracious," Her aged hand moved back and forth as if she were fanning her face, "You're making an old woman blush."

Tommy shifted in his seat, moving his eyes around the room, giving the impression he was searching for something, "I don't see an old woman in this room," his questioning gaze met hers before he continued, "Where did you see her?"

Her eyes lit up as she stared over at Tommy, "And now I'm in love," Came her response.

Silence fell over the two as Tommy turned his attention back to the papers resting on his lap. His appointment was coming up shortly, which meant he could be sitting there another hour. He liked his doctor, so did the rest of Toronto, everyone under the sun seemed to have appointments the same day and time Tommy did. Since his illness was progressing the way the doctors thought it would, he was not considered high priority when it came to getting into his appointments. Not even his celebrity status hurried along the long hours of waiting.

His back was hurting, more than usual, his neck was sore, and slowly as the minutes passed, Tommy was becoming impatient. Sighing he shifted in his chair once again, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Sighing is never a good sign," The elder woman spoke softly.

"Never?"

Her head shook, sending her white curls back and forth, "Never. I believe it means there's either a lot on the mind, or some sort of pain. Sometimes even both at the same time," Her lips turned in a small smile, "Which is it for you honey?"

"Both," Tommy answered leaning his head back against the wall, "With the pain comes the thoughts, and vice versa."

"I know how that goes."

"I was supposed to see the doctor a half hour ago. He sent his nurse out here to tell me it would be another hour."

"Always the dreaded part of coming to a doctor's office."

"Tell me about it."

"You in here often?"

Surprised by his willingness to be open with the older woman Tommy shifted again in his seat, trying with great difficulty to face her better. She smiled at him, small wrinkles around her eyes crinkled, he felt his own lips curve at the sight. Somehow being around the tiny woman Tommy felt calm. He only felt that way around Jude, and once back when he was a boy with his mother. His head still rest against the wall as he opened his mouth to answer her previous question.

"Once a week. Have been for about a month now."

"Like the doc that much?" Laughter filled her tone.

Tommy's eyes rolled as he chuckled, "Yeah. _Right!"_

Her aged hand reached over and gently touched the top of his, "How sick are you darlin'?"

Frank with her question. She certainly was something else. Not even knowing who she was Tommy once again felt a stir when he wanted to tell her. Jude and Kwest were the only two people who Tommy would let his heart open up to; now he felt his heart opening for the small woman who held his hand.

"I'm dying," Tommy spoke on a whisper.

Her eyes clouded over with tears before she gently squeezed the hand she held, "Physically. But I bet you're not in here," With her other hand she reached up and tapped Tommy on his chest. Over his heart.

"I never thought of it that way," A sigh escaped his lips as he felt himself close to tears, "All these months have gone by and not once have I _ever _thought of it like that."

"Most don't."

Tommy sat up so he could look her in the eye, "Why not?"

"I think most believe when one part dies it all does. It's not true though," Her eyes lifted up towards the ceiling showing she was in deep thought, "The heart never stops beating. Never stops pumping blood through out the body. Never stops living just because another part starts to fade. This is when the heart steps up and works even harder. Trying to keep the soul alive."

"Making up for the loss of the other?" Tommy questioned thoughtfully.

Her eyes met his again before she smiled, "Exactly."

"Is that how we can find a calm in the storm?"

"_Hmm_. You catch on quick handsome," Placing her other hand over his she pat it gently. Reminding Tommy of a lost embrace his mother would have done years ago, "Now I don't know what higher power you seek but for me--- I believe God never gives too much. He never over fills on the burdens without equaling it out with a release. We have the bad and we have the good. Simple as that."

"If only every person thought the way you do."

"It would sure be a hell of an easier planet to live on."

Laughing Tommy cupped both of her hands with his, squeezing them with warmth. His new friend was quite the woman. Her words spoke to him. He never thought of his heart being alive… he felt love and emotions, yet the cloud of darkness seemed to follow him around. His heart did beat, did pump life through out his body, yet all the months that had passed by made Tommy feel guilty. So much time had been wasted, so many hours passed he could have spent with a better attitude. It was too late, his time was dwindling down, the clock of life ticking faster to the end. He did the only thing he felt he could. He sighed. Long and hard, dragging in the attention of the older woman sitting next to him.

"No regrets dear," Tommy turned to face her when she spoke, "Don't let more time pass by thinking of the inevitable. Just follow your heart and spend the time you do have enjoying life. Letting those you love know it, leaving them with memories of a happier you. The person they are so used to seeing."

"Where have you been all my life?"

The stranger laughed happily, her eyes twinkling up at him, "Why I've been waiting for this moment. For you to come along and sweep me off my feet."

"I'm here now," Tommy winked.

"I would be temped honey if I wasn't old enough to be your grandmother."

"You don't look a day over twenty-five."

Her cheeks flushed a shade of pink before she once again brought her hand up to fan her face. Tommy chuckled at her. She truly was something else. He wished all of his doctors visits could go this well.

"If I tell you something will you promise not to think of me differently?" Breaking the short bout of silence that fell between them she questioned Tommy hopefully.

"Yes."

She leaned in closer to Tommy, touching her lips to his ear before she spoke, "I was a closet _Boyz Attack!_ fan."

Tommy's eyebrows shot up in question as he coughed to cover up the laughter that threatened to burst out. His friend grinned wildly at him as his turn to blush came.

"My husband didn't much care for the genre of music, but I always thought of myself as the hipper half of our whole," She sighed in happy thought's before continuing, "I saw you guys on a late night show one night. It surly was a rough time back then… I had many sleepless nights. Finding myself stationed in front of the television, channel surfing, isn't that what you guys call it?" She asked not expecting an answer, "Can't much remember what show it was, but I remember being perked up by the music they were playing."

"What music?" Tommy asked. Afraid to find out what exactly she saw and heard.

"'_Pick Up The Pieces" _It caught my ear so I watched and there you guys were. Dancing around singing that song."

Tommy groaned at the thought of any mention of his "boy band" days.

"I was hooked from that moment on. I bought every album, even a walkman to listen to them with."

"Seriously?" Tommy asked. His face flushing in uncomfortable embarrassment.

She grinned sheepishly before nodding in excitement, "Oh yes. I even saw you guys in concert once."

Once again Tommy's eyebrows shot up as disbelief filled his eyes, "_No!"_

"Bet your life I did. I talked my good friend Shirley into letting me take her granddaughter and a couple of her friends to the concert. We had floor level seating and one of the girls swore up and down that you winked at her."

Laughing Tommy shook his head in amazement, "This is too weird," Covering his face with his hands he hid the blush that deepened his skin a rosy color.

"Why is it weird?"

Letting his hands slip a little Tommy turned his head to face her, "I try to _not _think about those days."

Her eyes saddened before she softly asked, "Why not?"

"I was in a boy band, the epitome of all to laugh and mock."

"Don't you say that!"

"It's true," Tommy rushed to defend, "That time in my life is something I boxed away. Hoping to never see again."

"Are you embarrassed?" She looked sad as she asked him that. If she really was a fan Tommy believed he hurt her feelings.

"Maybe."

She sighed. Her gaze drifted from his, leaving Tommy to wonder if he offended her in some way. She quickly was becoming a friend to him. Guilt filled him as he watched her look straight ahead. Deep in thoughts she sighed again before letting her head rest against the wall.

"Everything we do in our lives is a stepping stone to where we are now…to where we'll be in the future," She closed her eyes as she spoke, "We all do things we regret, and even look back on in horror and embarrassment. Yet when we find ourselves wondering how the hell we got where we are now, can we honestly say those times were _not _part of the pathway?" As she asked the question her eyes opened, pinning Tommy with a kind stare.

"I don't know," Tommy replied uneasily.

"Think back then. If you never joined _Boyz Attack! _would you be where you are today? Not meaning the doctors office… but would your life be where it is now?"

Tommy shook his head, "No it wouldn't."

"And are you happy with where your life has lead you?"

"Yes."

"Would you have ended up here if you never joined that boy band?" Her eyes bore into his. Her questions going straight to Tommy's heart.

"Probably not."

"Is that epitome of all to laugh and mock looking so bad now?" The way she used Tommy's words against him made him feel sad and happy at the same time. No one ever, besides Jude, made him feel good about his days with the band.

"Surprisingly no."

Her eyes crinkled as a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth, "You should be proud of your past. All the bad and all the good, all of it should be regarded the same. We are who we are because of the decisions we make in life. Don't regret who you were just because a few knuckleheads out there perceive it as "un-cool." Turn those minds around and show them you are proud of the man you are now _because _of the man you were then."

"Isn't it a little too late to be showing the world that?"

She shook her head, her curls bouncing with the movement, "No dear. It's never too late."

Never too late to take on the world. Tommy half smiled at the thought of him hobbling out of his house and announcing in front of all the paparazzi he was proud to be "Little Tommy Q." He had spent years threatening any person who dare use the dreaded nickname against him, now his new friend was telling him he should reverse every thought and be happy about the times he wore a white suit, bandana to boot while he danced around singing poppy songs about young love.

Was she right? Did this woman who had easily won her way into his heart have a point? Tommy mulled over her words. He never would have had his career if it was not for the band. Jude would never have come into his life. Now she was his life, all thoughts of never knowing her pained him.

"I think you're right," Tommy announced into the silent room.

She shifted next to him before replying, "Am I?"

"Yeah. I never would have met Jude if I wasn't a producer, which never would have come about if I hadn't been in _Boyz Attack!"_

"I believe you are thinking correctly now."

Tommy smiled before turning his head to face her. She was smiling as well, "Score one for you."

Her smile turned into a laugh, filling the room with the joyous sound brought a warmth to Tommy.

"How is that beautiful wife of yours?"

"Beautiful as always," Tommy found himself easily saying.

"That she is."

Nodding Tommy shook his head, "She's also mad at me."

Her face paused in curiosity, "How so?"

"I wanted to come to this appointment alone. She wanted to come with me, so one thing led to another, and now here I am alone."

"Ah, so you angered your wife?"

"Yes. She helped me up here then left. She was mad but a while later she called me and said she was sorry for hovering over me all the time."

"Is it really that awful to have someone willing to take care of you?"

"No," Tommy answered, "But it does get old when someone is constantly doting over every need."

"Tommy," her voice turned stern as she sat up straight, "I come from experience with this topic. All I can say is, when someone you love is sick, we tend to get overprotective. Especially a wife. I bet Jude is doing what she feels is the _only _thing she can. That's how I felt. The outcome is already laid out, yet the trials and paths to get there are not.

"I bet it becomes most annoying to have someone constantly hovering over you all the time--- but I would let her. She loves you, she wants you to be comfortable, she wants to take care of you. You should let her, don't let your independence slip away, but let your wife do what she needs to. It's her way of coping."

"It's hard."

"Yeah it is. Try to think of it as an overall picture."

"Thanks," Tommy began, "You said you were speaking from experience?"

"Yes."

"May I ask what experience?"

Tommy heard her clear her throat before she slipped her hand into his. Asking for a silent comfort.

"My husband was very ill before he passed away last month."

"I-I'm sorry," Tommy stuttered. Shocked by her words, "I didn't mean to bring it up."

He watched her as she closed her eyes, shielding herself from crying out. A tear slipped from her eye before she shook her head. Deep in thought.

"He used to have to come here all the time, appointment after appointment. Sure did take toll on his frail body. Yet he fought me time and time again about constantly stepping on his toes. I yelled right back letting that old goon know I was doing what I had to. For the both of us."

"Did he stop yelling?"

She laughed in remorse before finally opening her eyes, "No, my husband was as stubborn as they came. He yelled, I yelled. That went on right up until the moment the good Lord took him home."

"How do you live without your husband?" Tommy asked. He often thought of how he would feel if Jude was the one sick. The thought of having to go on without her broke his heart. He would be one of the stories he always heard on the news, dying of a broken heart.

"You just do," Tommy squeezed her hand a little tighter as she spoke, "It's really hard. We were married for a very long time, a lot of things shared. One day everything is normal only to have it ripped out from under you. I spent many days lying down numb before I found a way to make the hurt not _hurt _so bad."

"And that is?"

"I come here everyday," She smiled sadly at Tommy, "I decided I would volunteer to pass the time. It helps to make my days move along faster, while giving me the satisfaction of knowing I can help out around here. This doctors office became my home away from home when my husband was in his last stages of cancer--- I'm giving back."

"You are an incredible woman," Tommy spoke in awe.

Minutes passed by in silence as Tommy found his attention brought back to the paper resting on his lap. He had been writing down words before his friend took her seat. Aidan had been on his mind, as he always was, leaving Tommy with feelings and emotions he was trying to let out. He needed a way to leave something behind, a something that was from him to his son. Digging through his bag he retrieved a pen before he touched the tip to the paper, words and thoughts filling the lines.

"What are you working on honey?" Her soft voice questioned as more minutes passed by.  
"Lyrics."

"Are you writing a song?" Her excitement filling her voice.

"I think," Tommy smiled as he found his gaze meeting hers, "Some thoughts about my son."

"Oh how precious," She touched her heart as she spoke, "Can I see?"

"Sure. Its rough but at least it's something."

She leaned over peering over his arm before reading out loud the first part, "**_To know you in a way, Only a father would know, To hold you in an embrace, Only a fathers love can show. To see your smile each day, Only a fathers hope could hold. So I ask this of you, one small wish---_"**

"I was thinking of putting a chorus here," Tommy scribbled down a few words before he read out loud, "**_Close your eyes, Count to three, Jump on board, Come away with me. The winds are right, our time is now, Water rippling, our time to sail._**

She smiled before picking up the song with the next verse written, "**_To an unknown place, A new adventure to face. Pirates in the distance, headed our way. Prepared to fight, a captains race, Canons are launched, Battle shouts are cried. As I sit here and watch, my pride, I cannot hide."_**

"And then I was stuck," Tommy stated as he tapped the pen against his thigh.

"Wow, I really like it," She ran her fingers over the page before asking, "What made you think of pirates?"

Tommy laughed at the memory her question brought, "Long story."

"I have time darling."

Grinning Tommy faced her, "Yeah?"

"Of course."

"When I was six, I thought I was a pirate," He chuckled softly picturing himself as a little boy, "I only dressed in my pirate costume I had worn for Halloween. Months passed and I wore the getup every where I went. Even the eye patch. I made everyone call me "Captain Tommy.'"

"How sweet," She gushed, "Wish I had a picture of that."

"How embarrassing is more like it," Tommy teased, "I went to school dressed like a pirate, I had all my classmates call me by my new name, even the teacher. How I was never made fun of boggles my mind to this day."

She shook her head as a giggle escaped her lips, "Absolutely adorable."

Tommy shook his head again as he grinned, "That's where I thought up pirates. I guess passing a small memory of me along to my son."

"Beautiful. Really beautiful honey."

Before Tommy could reply one of the nurses who worked under Doctor Jacobson appeared in the doorway. Her gaze landed on Tommy's before she smiled in acknowledgement.

"Mr. Quincy?"

"Yes?" Tommy turned his attention to the nurse.

"The doctor will see you now."

"Thanks," Tommy answered.

He reached over picking up his carry bag. Sliding the paper and pen into the side pocket he grabbed for his cane. Slowly he edged his rear to the edge of the seat before carefully lifting himself into a standing position. After swinging the bag over his shoulder Tommy clutched tightly to the head of the cane, pushing his weight into it before taking a few steps towards the nurse.

Once he made it to the doorway he turned around to face his friend. She smiled at him. He found his lips curving upwards again. For a stranger she certainly made an impact on his life.

"I forgot to ask you what your name was," Tommy spoke.

"My name is Lucy."  
"Lucy?" Tommy grinned, "As in, "_Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds?'_"

Her face lit up at the mention of the song, "My husband loved the _Beatles _that was his nick name for me."

"I had a feeling," Tommy commented as he leaned more into his cane, "My wife was named after a _Beatles _song. Close to my heart as well."

Lucy smiled again before she spoke, "You take care now honey, and you let your beauty of a wife love on you."

"I will."

"Good."

"It was nice meeting you Lucy," Smiling her way for the last time Tommy left Lucy with another thought, "I hope I swept you off your feet Lucy… because right now after meeting you, my sky is full of diamonds."


	11. Chapter 11

**Guess who's back! I am forever sorry for how long I took. I won't go on and on about why. BUT I will say I hit a major road block with this story, I had no idea how to get the words out. I knew what I wanted but words would not form! So I took a break away from writing altogether. I decided I would finish writing this story before posting anything. SO hopefully without any interruption I can post the rest of this story over the next few days.**

**This chapter will be broken down into three parts; not very long parts but I felt it needed to be divided to break it up. Chapter eleven is important for emotional reasons, I think everyone knows what's to come, so this is kind of a lead into what will ultimately be the rest of the story. **

**Thanks for all the comments, they have been nothing but kind and I truly appreciate all of them, and all of you. Without further ado here is chapter _Eleven_.**

**Chapter Eleven**

_Two months later…_

As Tommy laid in bed Jude found herself falling apart. Sixty more days passed, Tommy was still hanging in, but his condition had taken a turn for the worse. One day he had been up and walking around the house, the next he could hardly manage to lift his arm on his own. Tommy's condition failing as fast as it had surprised Jude; for the worse. Jude sat on the edge of her bed facing her husband. Tommy had fallen asleep gripping on to her hand. His chest rose and fell in unsteady rhythms, a new progressing tumor on Tommy's spinal cord to blame. His skin gray and chalky, all normal color drained as the days passed onward. Running her thumb over Tommy's knuckles Jude felt unshed tears fill her eyes.

Days recent Tommy was becoming more uncomfortable with his pain levels, the medications Doctor Jacobson had prescribed took longer and longer to take affect, leaving Tommy in more pain than any of them wanted to see. Sleepless nights Jude found herself dealing with each day, Tommy kept her awake with his shallow breaths and groans of grief. Fear wrapped around her as she tried to make things easier; only to feel like a failure in the end.

Tommy tightened his hand in hers, Jude watched carefully as his breaths began to shorten in length. She found herself watching her husbands breathing more often, ever since the thoracic tumor spread in size. Anxiety, Jacobson informed Jude when she called him in a panic, as the tumors spread over Tommy's spinal column his breathing was being challenged. Pain also caused by the tumors normally triggered a bout of anxiety, many patients experience the side effect when their bodies are thrown into a whirlwind. Jacobson had provided Tommy with more medicine to relieve the anxiety, only to turn around and take Tommy off of them when they were of no help. The main source of air to Tommy's lungs was from an oxygen tank. He used it during the night and sometimes throughout the day when he needed it.

"Shh, it's okay," Jude whispered as Tommy's face grimaced in his sleep. Her hand still held on to his, "It's okay," She repeated, more to herself than to him.

The room around her was silent, closing her eyes Jude let the ticking from the clock blend in with Tommy's breathing. Her only time to sit and rest. Jude thought back to when she was younger, watching her father sleeping. Stuart tried to explain to her he was sleeping with his ears open. Up until Aidan was born Jude never understood what her dad had meant, now sitting on her bed, she knew.

As her body relaxed she opened her ears. Aidan was asleep in the next room, taking his nap. Thankfully for Jude Aidan was a great baby. Although he had his moments where Jude was unable to put him down without having to listen to him cry. On those days she was truly miserable. Tommy needed round the clock care, so did Aidan. Victoria and Sadie helped out when they could, which was not as often as Jude could have hoped. Taking care of a baby while watching her husband die was fast taking a toll on Jude's physical well being. She was running low on fumes.

"Jude?" Tommy hoarsely asked.

Her eyes opened slowly, "Hmm?"

"Water."

"Okay," Releasing his hand Jude slid off the bed, yawning while she made her way over to Tommy's nightstand, "Sleep okay?"

Tommy blinked before he responded, "Not really."

Jude nodded in response, her gaze flickering over her husbands frail body. This was what her life had turned into. Tommy was thinner, weaker, miserable, the exact opposite from the man she once knew, the man she had fallen in love with. She shook her head, clearing away the web of sadness from completely sinking her mood. Reaching out she took hold of the small white cup holding his water.

"Ready?" Jude asked when she turned around.

"I guess," Came Tommy's weak response. With her free hand Jude leaned over the bed and gently propped her right arm under Tommy's head, inching his face closer to the cup.

"Tell me when it hurts too much," She whispered touching the straw to his lips. Tommy sucked in a few sips before he began to cough, "Take it easy love," Jude coaxed.

Tommy's doctors had warned the couple about eating and drinking. Tommy's brain tumor plus the spinal tumors pressing against his nerves, his motor abilities fast became his biggest challenge. Over the weeks weakness in his face paralyzed Tommy's ability to drink and eat on his own. Jude spoon fed him his meals, he tried to drink but mostly came up chocking when he had trouble swallowing on his own.

Jude pulled the cup away from his mouth, giving Tommy a moment to let the liquid slid down his throat. Tommy looked up at her with misery in his eyes, a look he only held when he felt useless.

"Don't say it sweetheart," Jude began as she stepped in to speak before he did, "You're doing a fantastic job on your own, remember smaller sips."

Tommy closed his eyes in response, sighing slightly he felt the bitter sting beneath his lashes, "Still thirsty," He whispered hoarsely.

"I'll get some ice then."

Water melted in her hands as she gently slid the cold ice cube along her husbands lips. Tommy's eyes opened and closed as he followed her movements. The cool liquid slipped between his lips, wetting his tongue before sliding down his throat, providing his body with the hydration it needed.

Jude's fingers shivered beneath the chilly cubes as she continued to gently run the melting water across Tommy's mouth. Breathing slowly Tommy opened his eyes and stared into Jude's. She looked sad, her eyes rimmed with red, lines from missed sleep shadowing her skin. His heart broke at the sight… lifting his hand up Tommy placed it over Jude's as she continued to run the ice cubes along his lips.

"Jude?" Tommy's voice coming out a whisper.

"Yes?"

His eyes filled with tears before he said, "I love you."

Jude's hand stilled beneath Tommy's as his words paused all her motions. She had been lost in another world, trying to keep her focus, then Tommy spoke…

"I love you too."

Soon after Tommy fell back into a restless sleep, Jude remained standing there minutes afterwards, staring down at her fragile husband. Listening as Aidan began to cry from his bedroom. Stuck, she was trapped, with no way out. Water droplets fell from between her fingers as the ice cubes melted from the heat of her skin. Dragging her wet hand across her face Jude began to cry, Aidan was crying and so was she. Aidan wanted his mom, and Jude wanted her life back.

The hallway passed beneath her feet as she rushed out of the room, passing by the door where her crying baby lay in bed waiting for his mother to come pick him up. Jude ran into the kitchen before falling to her knees, sobs overtaking her entire body. She had cracked and now she needed help.

**Part Two**

"_**Mrs. Quincy, we feel that with the condition your husband is in, he should have round-the-clock care. It's in his best interest you have an in care Hospice nurse stay with you, otherwise you may need to think about placing Tom in a hospital."**_

_**Pressing the phone closer to her ear Jude answered, "I-I'm at a loss for words."**_

"_**I understand," Doctor Jacobson replied.**_

"**_You understand?" Bitterness filing Jude's rising voice, "My husband is dying doctor! You understand what I am going through? He's in pain and I can't do a damn thing about it! The love of my life is in pain he's suffering!_**

**_Every day when I help him sit up, when I have to hold his cup when he drinks, when I have to change him because he lost bladder control, when I have to hook him up to oxygen every night, when I lay in bed night after night wondering if he will be here when I wake--- everyday that breaks my heart! And you understand? _**

_**Explain that one to me!" Jude yelled heartbroken into the receiver.**_

"_**I'm sorry, that was a terrible choice of words."**_

"_**Yeah it was," Jude spat.**_

"_**This is going to be hard for you to hear Mrs. Quincy," Dr. Jacobson began, "Tom has developed more small tumors on his thoracic spinal region."**_

"_**What does this mean?"**_

_**Listening carefully Jude heard papers being shuffled around before the doctors voice echoed in her head once again.**_

"_**Along with the tumor on his lumbar region, and the two on his cervical column, these tumors are painful. We discovered them early enough to control symptoms with medications, but at the rate of the tumors showing up, there's nothing else we can do."**_

"_**What are the symptoms?" Jude's question followed by a heavy sigh.**_

"_**Pain in the chest, especially when coughing, sneezing and even lying down occur."**_

_**After a long pause Jude cried into the phone, "Oh God."**_

"_**Tommy's already lost muscle tone in his legs, his back is tender and sore from the lumbar tumor. With the cervical tumors he's already feeling pain in his neck and numbness in his arms. His brain tumor had diminished in size, yet the damage is there.**_

_**Your husband has blurred vision, minor short term memory loss, slurred speech, small bouts with confusion, severe headaches. With the newly found tumors, I am afraid his pain levels are going to be outstanding.**_

_**His overall weak state is too much for you to take on further by yourself. It's in Tom's and your best interest to have Hospice take over his care."**_

"_**W-what happens after that?" Trying to process all the information Jude forced herself to keep from crying, "I mean-- After the nurse comes-- w-what does a-all of this mean?"**_

"_**The nurse will make sure all of your husbands needs are taken care. Hospice usually works in teams of physicians, nurses and volunteers. Physical and emotional assistance is offered and will be provided for Tommy."**_

"_**Why do I have a sick feeling you are leaving something out?"**_

_**A sigh from the doctor filled Jude's ear before he spoke, "It is our wish patients in their final days be as comfortable as possible."**_

_**Gasping Jude's voice cracked, "Final day?"**_

"_**I am really sorry Mrs. Quincy," Pausing to find the right words, Dr. Jacobson continued, "Any treatment at this point would fail, it would only cause your husband more pain. The tumors on his spine are spreading at a fast rate. His tests show signs of more spots forming," His words lingering in the air he shuffled through files looking for Tommy's X-ray's, "I will issue a higher dose of pain medications and with Hospice I'll order more oxygen. **_

_**Most patients in Tommy's state have shortness of breath more often, making it very uncomfortable and scary. I am concerned because of the thoracic tumors. The pain in his chest may at times be too much."**_

"**_I'm listening doctor--- b-but, final days has left completely shocked," Wiping away tears Jude continued, "Are these my husbands final days?"_**

"_**I cannot say for sure."**_

"_**Please tell me."**_

"_**After reviewing all his charts and seeing how fast his tumors are appearing, I would estimate, one month."**_

_**Jude grabbed hold of the counter to support her wobbly legs, leaving her knuckles to turn white. Closing her eyes against a new wave of tears she could hear Jacobson's breathing through the phone, that and her pounding heart as it began to break even further.**_

_**She had known this day was coming, everyone from the specialist to family and friends, every one of them sat her down trying to console her. They would hug her while she cried against their support, wishing for a miracle. Even with all the preparation those five words "I would estimate, one month," left Jude weak and utterly heartbroken. Slowly turning around Jude faced her family. **_

"_**I-I can't," Breaking down Jude sunk into the nearest empty chair. Covering her face with her free hand she slowly began to shake as her cries slowly filled the air.**_

"_**Sweetheart," Sadie spoke crouching down in front of Jude, "What's wrong?"**_

_**Through her tears Jude replied, "H-he said o-one m-month."**_

_**Gently Sadie pulled the telephone free from Jude's shaky grasp. Standing straight she placed the phone to her ear then spoke, "Hi, I'm Sadie, Jude's sister, she's no longer able to continue this conversation."**_

"_**I'm sorry for everything," Dr. Jacobson replied.**_

"_**What is going on?"**_

"_**I don't think I should discuss these things with you."**_

_**Angered Sadie spoke through gritted teeth, "Doctor, my sister is distraught, she's in no frame of mind to speak. My brother-in-law is in bed seriously ill. Why is it you cannot discuss thing with the family?"**_

_**After a long pause Dr. Jacobson answered, "Okay. I told your sister her husband has around one month to live."**_

"_**Oh my God."**_

"_**I'm truly sorry."**_

"_**What needs to be done," Sadie shot a frantic gaze to her parents silently willing them to give her the courage to continue.**_

"_**An in care nurse through Hospice needs to take over Mr. Quincy's care," Softly he spoke, "We want him to be as comfortable as possible."**_

_**  
Sadie turned her face from Jude's view before she wiped away a tear, "Is there anything that can be done?"**_

"_**I am afraid not."  
**_

_**His words slammed into Sadie full force, "W-what happens now?" **_

"_**Take it one day at a time," Sighing in sadness he continued, "Right now our goal is to keep Tom as far from pain as we can. A higher dose of medication should help soon. Family and friends surrounding him, that is always best at this stage.**_

_**  
Any signs of breathing difficulty that cannot be controlled with oxygen, constant headaches lasting longer and more severe than the norm, nausea and confusion happening regularly Tommy will need to see a doctor as soon as possible."**_

_**Gathering her composure Sadie questioned, "Anything else?"**_

"_**Keep him on track with medications and physical therapy. My experience with patients is they know when they are going to die. Four out of five refused further treatment before they passed on. Why that is, we do not know.**_

_**If Mr. Quincy does this, I would assume his time is come. Remember to keep friends and family close, I now Tom would love to have everyone around for himself and his wife."**_

Jude's hand shook slightly as she listened to the ringing, waiting for the other line to pick up. She had been carrying around a certain phone number for two weeks, holding off as long as she possibly could. Tommy was her husband, she was the one who was suppose to care for him, yet as the days progressed onward Jude found her state of mind weakening, along with her physical well being. She was exhausted in all aspects, her world had been turned upside down and this was her final cry for help.

"Hello?" Finally someone answered.

"Hi, is this Jackie?"

"Yes, who's calling?"

Jude cleared her throat before she answered, "I'm Jude Quincy, I talked to your head office earlier this week. Doctor Jacobson, he, he um recommended you to me."

"Oh right, I was just glancing over your husbands records. I spoke to the doctor and he told me to expect a call from you."

"I'm not exactly sure how we go about this," Pausing Jude bit her lip nervously, "How _do_ we go about this?"

"Are you ready for me to start my job?" Jackie questioned.

Tears filled Jude's eyes as she thought about her answer. She would never be ready, but this needed to be done, for Tommy and for her, "Yes."

"I'll get in touch with the doctor and give you a call when everything is a go."

**Part Three**

"Mr. Quincy, _please_ just listen."

"Listen?" Tommy yelled from his spot on his bed. Jackie stood on the other side pleading with him to give in, "I tried listening, and now I'd like you to leave me alone."

Jackie sighed before she threw her hands up in frustration, "I feel it's better for you if you move into your own bed."

"Yeah? Well I never asked you. So leave."

Jude's eyebrows shot up in question as she entered her bedroom. Tommy's shouting had brought her for the third time that day to defend Jackie. Two weeks after she had made the call Doctor Jacobson had referred Jaclyn Morgan, a registered nurse working for a small foundation of Canadian Hospice volunteers; to take over Tommy's care. Jackie just a few years older than Jude was short and petite with short brown hair. Jude was worried at first, she herself struggled moving Tommy, now someone the same size, and a stranger was replacing her… Jackie had proven Jude wrong, she was strong and had a temper almost as big as Jude's, and certainly one that matched Tommy's stubborn side.

"What's going on in here?" Jude questioned her eyes moving from Jackie to Tommy.

"Oh you know, just having another one of my suggestions shot down," Jackie exclaimed shooting Tommy a glare.

"No one asked for your freaking suggestions---" Before he could continue Jude held her hands up to silence him.

"Whoa, wait a minute," Her gaze meeting Tommy's frustrated one, "Maybe this one is something we can work with babe."

"I think as a professional Tommy should be moved to his own bed. That way he can rest in peace, as well as you Mrs. Quincy."

"Hell no," Tommy harshly whispered from the bed.

"What do you mean move him? Is that really a good idea?"

Jackie nodded her response. Jude bit her bottom lip nervously trying to think of a way to solve this issue. She had never thought of Tommy having his own bed. The thought of him leaving scared her, she was trying to hold on to him as long as she could.

"Tommy," Jude stepped closer to her husband, reaching for his hand she looked kindly into his eyes, "Let's just hear her out. Maybe it is for the best…"

"Jude, no."

"I only want what is best for you Mr. Quincy," Jackie's nervous voice broke the couples gaze as they both turned to look at her. Jude smiled in encouragement whereas Tommy shot daggers at her.

"Oh really?" Tommy began, "Because I think you're trying to make me even more miserable."

"That's not it at all!"

"Bullshit!"

Jude's eyes widened in horror, "Tommy!"

Tommy ignored his wife, his anger soon turning into sadness, "I'm staying right here! I will not move and you or the damn doctor can't make me. This is my bed and will remain my bed until the day I die. I will not sleep anywhere else."

"All patients have qualms about leaving their beds, and their spouses, but in the end they learn to adjust and find it more comfortable in the end."

"Are you married Jackie?"

Confusion contorted her features, "Um… no."

Tommy squeezed Jude's hand as his next words fell out on a hoarse whisper, "Then you don't understand. I may be dying but that does _not _mean I can't feel things. Having Jude next to me every night is comforting, she may be asleep but her presence is there. I can feel her, I can hear her breathing, and that makes me feel good.

Move me and you might as well kill me because there will be nothing left. Put me in another room in a bed by myself and I'll be alone and forgotten."

"It's not like that at all---" Jackie struggled to find words as Tommy's piercing blue eyes turned harsh once again.

"Jude's my wife, she's my everything and I'll be damned if some nurse is going to waltz into my life and tell me how to fucking live it! So go call the doctor and tell him to shove it because I'm not leaving."

"I-I had no intention of upsetting you Mr. Quincy."

"Jackie could you give me a minute with my husband?"

"Yes of course."

After Jackie had left the room Jude turned to face Tommy, "Sweetheart, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"How could they ask me that Jude?" Tommy's eyes filled with tears as Jude's hand held his tighter, "I don't want to leave you."

"You aren't. I wont let it happen."

"They'll move me and I'll be alone Jude, I'll die in there by myself and no one will know," Tears fell from his eyes rolling down his cheeks.

Jude's own eyes filled with tears, her heart once again breaking a piece more. Taking a seat next to Tommy on the edge of the bed she leaned in and kissed away his tears before resting her forehead against his.

"Shh, don't say that! You are going to stay right here with me, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I promise."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Birds chirping their early morning calls as they flew by, calling to their friends to join them on their way. Jude watched from her front door, tugging her sweater snug against her shoulders she shivered under the coolness of the early morning breezes. When she was younger she found inspiration in worldly things, music, clothes, people, now that she was older, more mature, with her heart hanging by a thread, she sought out life's simple beauties. Standing in the doorway with only the screen door keeping her inside her house, she looked on as night was turning into day.

Mountains in the distance highlighted by the sun as it gently began to rise in the east, beaming it's rays down upon all the earth to see. The moon and the stars turning off their lights for the sun to take center stage… a new kind of light to shine down. The scent of flowers in bloom filling the air, as if they were greeting early risers with a small dose of perfume to set them on their way. Jude gazed out the door spotting tiny rain droplets resting on her grass filled yard.

When she and Sadie were kids they would always take off their shoes and run through the grass, letting their toes seep into the coolness, laughing as the sprigs tickled their toes. Smiling Jude pushed away the memory as another breeze caused her to shiver beneath her sweater.

"Beautiful, huh?"

Startled by the intruder Jude turned around to see her dad standing behind her looking on as the sun was rising against the sky.

"Yeah."

"I always liked getting up before everyone just so I could watch the sunrise in peace."

"Not even with mom?"

Stuart smiled softly as he replied, "Sometimes. She was always rushed in the mornings. You took after her in the, _'I don't like to get up early" _ever ways."

"Shut up!" Jude laughed before she returned her attention to outside, "I always liked sunsets, but I never made time for sunrises. Lately though…," Trailing off Jude glanced over her shoulder at Stuart, "It makes it easier, you know?"

Stuart nodded his response. Stepping forward he wrapped his arms around his daughters shoulders, smiling when she let her head fall against his chest.

"No matter how old you get you'll always be my little girl," Pulling her closer he whispered, "I love you kiddo."

"I love you too dad."

"I'll never tire of hearing that."

Jude turned in his embrace bringing her eyes to meet Stuarts, "Dad?"

"Hmm?" Stuart replied looking into his daughters saddened eyes.

"Thanks for being here," Shivering from the coolness Jude's lips trembled slightly, "I couldn't do this without you guys."

"And we wouldn't have it any other way."

Jude and Tommy's bedroom door creaked softly as Stuart made his way inside. Early morning sun lighting the room enough for him to make out his son-in-law sleeping in bed. He tip toed closer to the bed hoping to keep quiet, only to fail when Tommy's eyes opened.

"Hi," Tommy whispered.

"Hey," Smiling with embarrassment Stuart began, "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep."

"Oh, okay."

Tommy grunted in pain before blinking his eyes rapidly in hopes of keeping them open.

"Do you need anything?" Stuart asked making his way quickly over towards Tommy.

"Where's Jude?"

"She's watching the sunrise," Smiling Stuart eyed Tommy's unshaven face, "When was the last time you shaved?"

"Couple days ago. Jackie helped me out after Jude accidentally nicked my chin."

"Did she cry?"

Tommy smirked, "Yeah."

"Poor girl. She's always been the sensitive one."

"Not when she's yelling at me," Tommy joked.

Stuart eyed his son-in-law trying to decide what his next actions would be. His gut was telling him to stay and do something he never would have… while his mind was telling him to leave and go comfort his daughter.

"I'll be right back."

Tommy closed his eyes briefly trying his best to ward off the pain shooting through out his entire body. After Jude had left the room Jackie had stepped in checking on him. After taking his vitals and preparing his medications Tommy asked Jackie to stop. He had lay awake most of the night with thoughts of contentment filling his mind and heart. His journey had taken him to the end of the road, it was his decision to figure out where to go from there. Jackie had argued a good fight before she finally agreed with Tommy.

Something cool touched Tommy's face, bringing him out of his mind numbing thoughts. Opening his eyes he found Stuart standing over him, his hands covered in foamy shaving cream, "What are you doing?"

"I thought I'd shave your face for you," Stuart finished rubbing the cream against Tommy's skin before he nervously spoke again, "Nothing like having a freshly shaven face to start your day out with."

Tommy eyed Stuart in quiet awe as he carefully slide the razor in clean strokes, cleaning his face free of stubble. No one had ever done something like that for him before. Jude had tried, so had Jackie, but after countless attempts and further failures they had given up, leaving him to his fast growing beard. Stuart was the last person he would have found to act on a gesture like this.

Carefully Stuart worked the razor against Tommy's face, pausing here and there to dip it into a small bowl of warm water. His hands shook slightly as the impact of what he was doing overcame him. Not only was he helping out a young man, he was helping out a man who had become a son to him… a man who was dying.

Swallowing the lump in his throat Stuart stopped when Tommy's hand gently rest on top of his. Halting his actions.

"I-I love you dad," Tommy's tearful voice startling them both.

"I love you too son," Stuart squeezed Tommy's hand before he continued to shave the remainder of Tommy's face.

"I know we got off on the wrong foot when we first met," Washing Tommy's face clean of the excess shaving cream Stuart broke the silence, "And I never got around to telling you… but I'm proud of you. You have been nothing but wonderful to Jude. She deserves the best and no one could ever be better than you."

"Thank you."

Nodding Stuart paused to meet Tommy's eyes, "You're a fine young man. The son I never had," Tommy's eyes blurred with tears, and so did Stuarts as he coughed to push the lump forming in his throat, "You proved me wrong on so many levels, I'm grateful for that… I'm grateful for you."

**Part Two**

"Mrs. Quincy?"

Stopping in mid sentence Jude turned, "Yes?"

Standing in the kitchen doorway Jackie nervously glanced from Jude to the others seated in various scattered chairs throughout the wide space, "Y-your husbands vitals?" Clearing her throat Jackie lifted up a sheet of paper she was tightly clutching, "His temperature is good,--- but his BP is really low; his pulse is high; I turned on the oxygen for him due to him experiencing mild shortness of breath."

"Did you give him any medication?" Jude asked. Concern washing over her face as she sighed, "You only give him oxygen when he's in pain."

Nodding Jackie replied, "He refused the drip-- instead he asked for you."

"But _why?_" Exasperated Jude glared at Jackie.

"Mrs. Quincy---"

Jude recognized Jackie's tone of voice. Many times she had sat in doctor's offices, looking into their sad sympathetic gazes as they told her Tommy was sick. Jackie held the same look, carried the same soft spoken sorrowful voice.

_Instead he asked for you._ His wife; the one who was supposed to hold his hand while he took his last breath. The one who was supposed to find a way to live without him, the one who was dying right along with him. Jude stared across the room, Jackie stood in the doorway nervously picking at lent on her scrub top, Victoria, Stuart, and Sadie sat watching sadly as Jude fought for words to speak. Only being able to hear the words Doctor Jacobson had told her a month ago.

"**_My experience with patients is they know when they are going to die. Four out of five refused further treatment before they passed on."_**

"Mrs. Quincy?" Jackie's voice rang in Jude's ear. The memory of what Tommy's doctor had said that one tear jerking day brought Jude brokenly to the truth.

"Is it time?" Jude asked on a whisper.

Sighing Jackie glanced down at her hands, "Professionally I cannot answer that."

"Please."

Jackie shook her head before she replied, "Mrs. Quincy, I can't."

Jude stared pleadingly into Jackie's eyes, silently begging her to say the words she dreaded to hear. Somehow those words needed to be uttered, in order for Jude to muster the strength she needed to hear those words.

"Jackie please," Jude said tearfully, "You're more than just a nurse to us. I'm asking you as a friend."

"As a friend," Jackie began, looking around the room her eyes clouded with sadness, "I'd guess tonight. If not, then tomorrow."

"Thank you."

Victoria stood in the kitchen with her heart pounding; the terrible news she had been expecting for days had just been delivered. Her son-in-law was dying, his short lived life was almost up. Tears welled in her eyes, fighting to spill over. She loved Tommy dearly, he had become a son to her over the years, now it was time to say goodbye. Her heart breaking she tried to compose herself. Breathing in deep breaths she looked over to her daughter. Jude stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen, at first glance any one person could think she was alright, but, Victoria noticed with sadness Jude's shaking hands, her trembling legs; her tired eyes.

Quietly Victoria pushed her way across the kitchen, passing by her family members; everyone was upset and held tearful gazes, yet Victoria needed to be with Jude.

"Baby," Victoria cooed as she neared Jude.

"Mom."

Opening her arms Victoria spoke, "Come here."

Jude rushed into her mothers embrace, pressing her face into Victoria's chest, soaking in all the warmth and strength she could get.

"I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too," Jude whispered.

"Everyone is here for you," Victoria said as she softly stroked Jude's hair, "We all love you."

"Mom?"

"Yes baby?"

Pulling away from Victoria Jude looked up at her mom, "How do I go in there?"

"You just do."  
Blinking away a tear Jude choked out, "What do I say?"

Victoria cupped Jude's face in her hands, "You love him sweetheart, the right words will come to you."

"I don't think I can do it."

"Yes you can," Victoria spoke softly before kissing her daughters forehead.

Nodding through her tears Jude used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe away the warm liquid, "Can you stay with Aidan?"

"Of course."

**Part Three**

Standing in the doorway to her room Jude quietly watched Tommy as he slept. His skin was pale and chalky like, dark circles lined underneath his eyes; the wear and tear from his illness shining forth. Tommy's breathing was uneven causing his chest to rise and fall in quick motions. A small bandage adorned his left arm where an IV access had usually been. Propped up with pillows Tommy's weak frame filled his side of the bed, the same side he had fought tooth and nail over to keep.

Jude often watched Tommy sleep, she loved how peaceful he seemed to be, even with all the tumors; Tommy always had a graceful look when he slept. From his slightly puckered lips up to his thick wavy hair. Smiling Jude inched her way over towards her bed.

"Hi."

Blinking in surprise Jude watched Tommy open his eyes, "You're awake?"

"I heard you come in."

"I'm sorry I woke you."

Tommy's eyes closed as a sigh escaped his lips. A struggle he had been fighting for two days, his body fought him when it came to trying to hold his eyelids open. Jude watched in pain. Tommy's long eyelashes touching his cheeks, casting shadows over his already dark lined skin. She loved him dearly.

"You still take my breath away."

"How?" Tommy weakly asked.

"Everything you do."

"Come here," Even though his voice was barely audible as he whispered, Jude heard him loud and clear.

Carefully taking a seat on the bed Jude gently edged her way closer to Tommy. Once she reached him she let her head rest against one of her pillows; moving her eyes to rest on his face. Cancer may have been taking him away from her but Jude felt an overwhelming love wash over her. Tommy was her life, she loved him more that moment than when she first met him.

Outlining the edges of his face with her finger Jude was brought back to a memory of when she promised to be his everything, through thick and thin, Jude's love was declared.

"_**Jude, do you take Thomas to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"**_

"_**I do," Jude replied with a small smile turning her lips, her eyes speaking of a greater love and of a greater happiness no one could ever know.**_

Smiling although her eyes were filling with unshed tears Jude let the precious memory fade away as she studied each feature on her husbands face.

"The heat from your gaze is keeping me warm," Tommy murmured with his eyes shut.

"H-how did you know?"

Slowly Tommy's eyes opened, "I always feel you," Blinking he held her gaze.

"We really are one aren't we?"

"Always."

Snuggling in closer Jude pressed her cheek against Tommy's, "You refused your medication," Clearing her throat Jude pressed on, "Why?"

"I don't need it anymore," Came his soft reply.

"You don't know that Tommy," Frustrated because she was afraid Jude held a touch of anger in her voice.

Sighing Tommy replied, "We talked about this."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

Dropping the subject Jude let the truth finally sink in. Tommy was really going to leave her. All her days of preparation, all her tears, her sorrow; all wrapped around what was ultimately going to occur. Jude's heart and soul, the only one who made her complete, her Tommy was paving the way for his goodbye. A goodbye to a life he spent his heart creating. Goodbye to his wife and son.

"Jude?"

Tilting her head up, "Yes sweetheart?"

"Can you bring Aidan in here?"

"How come?"

"I want to see his face again," Turning his head Tommy met Jude's tearful gaze with one of his own, "Make sure he's happy. I need to see him happy before--" His voice trailed off, leaving the unspoken words to haunt Jude.

Before Jude brought Aidan into the room she had Sadie change his outfit. Her sister had come across a costume on one of her many shopping adventures, if was perfect for her nephew. Jude loved it upon setting her eyes on it, she knew Tommy would get a kick out of it. One of not so many childhood memories he had shared with her over the years, Jude knew it would touch him.

At one years old Aidan was just learning how to walk on his own, he baby stepped around the living room furniture while Jude would try to clean up his messes. Costume clad his small hand held on to Jude's as they slowly stepped into the bedroom.

"Tommy?" Jude called softly, gaining the attention of her husband.

Tommy's eyes pushed open, his gaze swept over Jude before they landed on his son. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the sight. Aidan was wearing a pirate costume… just like he used to wear when he was a boy. _Captain Tommy. _Memories assailed him as Jude and Aidan approached the bed.

"So I tried to get the little booger to wear the eye patch but he wouldn't go for it," Jude smiled as she and Aidan climbed on to the bed next to him, "Isn't that right munchkin?"

"Mama?" Aidan looked up at her with a wide grin on his face.

"Show daddy your outfit," Jude encouraged as her son continued to grin up at her.

Aidan's small body lay on top of Tommy's, Jude felt pride watching on as Tommy's hands slowly cradled their son on his chest. Aidan had chattered on non stop in his baby talk telling Tommy all about his pirate outfit, even making some noises Jude found close to those a real pirate in a Hollywood movie would make. Tommy had laughed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his son. Aidan's small hand cupped Tommy's cheek while a small yawn escaped his plump baby lips. Jude smiled before snuggling up closer to Tommy.

"Remember when I was pregnant and you would make up that story about the moon and the stars?"

Tommy grinned before replying, "Yeah, I would rub your belly and feel this little guy kicking up a storm."

"He really liked it… I've been telling him that story every night before he goes to bed."

"Really?" Tommy asked surprised.

"Yes."

"Would you tell us?" Tommy asked.

Jude smiled before leaning over to kiss Aidan's cheek. He smiled back at her with drool lining his lips.

"Want to hear your Moon, Moon story kiddo?"

Aidan shook his head up and down before a big spit bubble popped in his mouth, causing all three of them to laugh.

"That he gets from you," Tommy joked as his eyes began to close once again.

"So not funny mister!"

Tommy smirked before one of his hands found and held on to hers.

"_Goodnight said the Moon to the stars in the sky. The ones twinkling above, so far and wide. _

_Goodnight said the Stars to the clouds drifting by. The ones so fluffy changing in disguise._

_Goodnight said the Clouds to the trees down below. The ones with the leaves a whistling hello._

_Goodnight said the Trees to the flowers in their beds. The ones with the colors of blues, gold's and reds._

_Goodnight said the Flowers to the winds picking up pace. The ones swirling in circles and turning with grace._

_Goodnight said the Winds to the peoples turning in. The ones all snug with blankets pulled to their chins._

_Goodnight said the Peoples to the moon and the stars and the clouds drifting by. As they brightened the sky changing in size. _

_Goodnight to the Trees and the leaves whistling farewell, to the flowers in their beds, and the winds swirling parallel._

_Goodnight to all as the time has come, the moon and stars, the clouds and trees and the leaves all around, the flowers and the winds and the peoples on end, all snuggled to sleep, with sweet dreams to begin."_

Jude's voice softened as the story came to an end. Tommy's eyes as well as Aidan's were closed. Her hand squeezed Tommy's gently before she let her head rest against the softness of her husbands shoulder. Her last chance to be with her family, the one she cherished. As her sleeping pirate lay on his fathers chest, she could not help but hope he was dreaming of the moon and the stars as they twinkled their lullaby's keeping him safe. Closing her eyes Jude began to fall asleep, a grin forming her lips as she too found Tommy's story of the moon and stars greeting her.

**Part Four**

The bed dipped in as Jude climbed in beside Tommy, careful not to disturb him Jude slowly laid next to him, propping her head on her hand as she watched him. If it were possible Tommy's breathing seemed almost normal to Jude, his chest rose and fell evenly, his breaths not coming out in forced puffs. Many days Jude had laid in the same position counting his inhales and exhales, calculating when he would need the help from the oxygen tanks. Another sign Tommy was leaving her, so many doctors had told her patients tend to get better before they pass away. Her eyes roaming over his chest she finally looked up into his face, tears filling her eyes as she made herself more comfortable on her bed.

"I love you so much," Jude whispered.

"I love you too," Tommy spoke through pain filled words.

Jude would never love someone as much as she loved Tommy. Reaching out she touched her fingers to Tommy's clean shaven face, memorizing the feel of his skin on hers. At her contact Tommy turned into her touch, giving Jude access to roam her gentle fingers over his weakened body.

Minutes ticked away, Jude never noticed, too lost in trailing her fingers over Tommy's face, making sure every line, every dip was stored in her memory. His skin felt wonderful under her shaky hand, warm and smooth. As of late Tommy's skin had been cool to touch, somewhat rough from the side effects the medications had. Tommy's eyes opened and closed repeatedly, showing Jude he was aware of her presence, needing her as much as she needed him. His time was fast coming to an end, Jude felt it, so as her hands sketched her memory her mind and heart prepared for the hardest thing Jude would ever have to do.

"You don't need to hang on for me anymore," Jude's voice rang into the silent bedroom, her hoarse voice startling her. Swallowing the lump that had formed in the back of her throat Jude trailed her fingers over Tommy's lips, "I needed you to at first. I needed you for selfish reasons."

Tommy struggled to keep his eyes open, he was awake but his frail body fought him on simple tasks. Jude nodded her head in her final acceptance, her hand stopped on Tommy's cheek, his breath warming her straight through. A single tear fell from her eyes as she summoned the courage to speak again.

"I-I want you to know I'm letting you go," Blinking away more tears Jude's voice cracked, "You've been so, s-so brave Tommy. You fought a beautiful battle, I'm so proud of you. But like all. A-all things come to an end.

I wasn't ready, the thought of losing you," Jude paused to clear her throat. Tommy's eyes opened enough so Jude could see he was watching her. She had to do this, for him, "It was all selfish, me, me, me. I couldn't lose you because _I _couldn't move on, but now. Now I'm thinking about what is best for you."

Tommy's eyes blinked repeatedly in effort to keep them open, he failed, once again they closed from his weakness.

"These last few days you have fought to stay alive, I thank you for that--- you gave me the time I needed, now I'm giving it back," Using the pad of her thumb Jude traced Tommy's lips, "Whenever you're ready, don't fight it, spread your wings and fly," Leaning forward she pressed a soft kiss to his lips as tears fell from her eyes, "Fly away to a place that is better than this. That place in the sky where heaven awaits you, okay?" Kissing his lips again Jude pulled back before her tears fell on his face.

"I can picture it now," Tommy's eyes opened again as Jude continued to speak, their eyes meeting, "Blue skies, bright in color, always bright, never changing. White puffy clouds drifting lazily about, turning in shapes… Days are warm, just perfect, the wind carrying enough speed to ruffle your hair but not enough to mess it up," Smiling at Tommy Jude thought of how many times over the years her husband complained of his hair being messed up, "Scent of all the flowers filling the air, green grass, tress every where, leaves in all colors, reds, yellows, greens, even orange. They change depending on how the sun hits them as the hours pass. Rivers, lakes, oceans, the sounds of the varying waves crashing, filling your ears, filling your heart with a peacefulness you love."

Tommy always loved life's simple beauties, finding inspiration in the smallest of things. The moment she fell in love with him, she had been sitting along the pier, watching as the rippling water folded in and out as each wave rolled to shore.

"You think?" Tommy quietly questioned as he found himself picturing along with Jude where he was going.

"I do," Jude answered, "You will be happy. Joy you never felt here, you'll never be sick again, your body will be back to normal, and even better than it was," Jude's hand slipped inside of Tommy's, bringing it forward she kissed the tips of his fingers, "Your hands will once again play music. Theses fingers dancing over the piano keys, gliding over the guitar strings, just like you used to," Lightly squeezing his hand in hers Jude bent forward to kiss her husbands cheek, "Whenever I hear a piano I'll know it's you, playing with a smile on your face. Playing a special piece only we would know, one only our hearts could feel."

"Forever?"

"Until the day I'm with you again," Jude closed her eyes as another wave of tears threatened to fall.

"Don't cry," Tommy's whispered.

Smiling Jude looked over at her husband, "I'm trying."

"Thank you."

This time Jude failed in her attempts to keep her tears at ease… _thank you. _Turning away Jude's shoulders shook slightly from her need to cry. Tommy was thanking her for giving him permission to go. She had known he was fighting to stay alive, not for himself, but for her. She had not been ready to face the facts… Selfish in every way, Jude wanted Tommy for herself, not once thinking about what Tommy needed for him. His body was exhausted, needing to fall asleep for good, yet his heart still pumped and beat as the days passed. A gift he had given only to his wife. Dragging in a deep breath Jude calmed herself down before laying her head on the pillow Tommy was using. Their faces inches apart as they looked into each others eyes.

"Jude?"

"Yes?"

"I," Pausing to gather strength Tommy's voice fell to a small whisper, "I want you to be happy."

Jude's eyes clouded with confusion, "Happy?"

"Without me. I want you to find someone who will make you happy."

"Tommy. No" Jude shook her head as she pulled his hand up to hers, clutching on to it.

"You deserve to be happy when I'm gone," Tommy held her hand against his heart and hers, "Happy with someone else."

Jude's eyes widened, her breath caught in her throat. She would never move on from her husband.

"Jude---"

Before he could continue Jude interrupted him, "No!" Her voice came out more harsh than she intended it to, "No," lowering her tone Jude stared deeply into Tommy's eyes, "You make me happy. You'll always make me happy. The love I have for you is enough to last a lifetime, my heart is full forever, my mind holds you in thoughts everlastingly."

Pressing their joined hands against her heart Jude felt how rapidly it beat, Tommy felt it as well. The rhythm tapping a song against their fingers, a melody created only for them. Their eyes locked again, words unspoken flashing in their depths. Speaking of a love Jude would carry on until she died, speaking of a love Tommy was taking with him as he prepared for his flight with the angels.

**Part Five**

Voices carried across the house as Jude quietly tuned them out. Her family was in the other rooms making sure her house was in order, watching over her son as she said goodbye to Tommy. Three hours had passed, Tommy fell in and out of sleep, his breathing quiet as he braved the pain shooting through out his body. Jude never once left his side, she held his hand whispering to him how much she loved him. Once he asked her to sing, she had smiled and did as he wished. Her voice had filled Tommy completely, as his eyes drifted shut his wife's voice comforted him as he battled the ramifications of stopping his pain medications.

Jude's head rest against Tommy's chest, his heart humming against her ear. His fingers had played with her hair before he fell asleep again… _thump, thump, thump. _Closing her eyes Jude let the sound become her lullaby, her way of letting go… _thump, thump, thump. _

Tommy's eyes fluttered open, focusing on the room he was in. His bedroom, his and Jude's. His hand limply lifted to rest on Jude's cheek. Her eyes were closed as she listened to the sound of his heartbeats, she looked beautiful to him. Jude would never know how much Tommy loved her, how much she meant to him, especially this moment, the time in which she was allowing him to fly free… _thump, thump, thump. _

Tommy's eyes fell shut, his strength giving in for the last time, he wanted his last picture to be his wife, and it was, her face, skin so soft, her full lips, her long eyelashes, were embedded in his head. He no longer needed to fight to keep his eyes open… _thump, thump, thump. _Blue skies, bright in color, stretching as far as he could see, clouds of white, puffy in size, danced across the sky as they began to change in shapes. The wind strong enough to ruffle his hair, whispered against his face as it passed over. Flowers of every kind and color gave off their scents, he breathed in the richness of their beauty. Reds, greens, yellows and even orange leaves playfully hung from the trees that went on and on. Each one changing in color as the warm sun shined it's rays over the expanse. Rippling waves filled his ears as he moved closer and closer to see. Out in the distance he could spot bodies of water in all kinds, rivers, oceans and his favorite of all, a lake. The waves rolled in before pushing out, before once again rolling in. His feet sunk into the shallow water, his toes dipping into the sand… _thump, thump, thump. _

Tommy's heart beat against Jude's ear as she felt his hand touch her cheek, his body relaxed beneath her, his breathing slowed in peaceful rhythm before finally stopping altogether… _thump, thump, thump_… _thump, thump, thump_… _thump, thump, thump. _One by one the song in her ear slowed… _thump. Thump Thump. _

Tommy's heart beat for the last time, fading away as he no longer battled the cancer his body had been fighting. His hand still against her cheek Jude opened her eyes knowing what had happened. Not yet ready to except the loss.

"Tommy?" Grabbing hold of his hand Jude sat up, staring across at her husband, "Baby?"

Quickly Jude sat up pressing her fingers against Tommy's nose and mouth, desperately trying to find his shallow breaths. None were there.

"Tommy!" Shaking his shoulders Jude felt tears slide down her cheeks, "No, please wake up!" Cupping his face Jude sobbed, "Baby wake up, I lied, I'm not ready, come back… please come back."

**Part Six**

Jude's body sagged against her bedroom door as she stared blankly into the room in front of her. The noise from the door opening brought the attention of her family seated in the next room. Victoria was the first to respond, she took one look at her daughter before she knew what had happened.

"Oh honey," She cried as tears stung the back of her eyes.

Jude brought her hands up to her mouth before she fled the room, running past her family, her legs carrying her away, away from what had just happened. Reaching the front door she struggled to get the knob to turn before it finally gave way. The evening sun greeted her as she ran down the front steps, stopping in the middle of the yard.

Sadie and her parents followed Jude out of the house, they each paused on the porch watching Jude as her legs began to shake. Her sobs breaking into the evening air, lifting up only to be carried away into the open day. Jude cried into her hands as her legs gave out, sending her to her knees. The grass dug into her skin as she tore at the sprigs, violently pulling them out.

Victoria ran down the steps stopping in front of her daughter she sat down and wrapped her arms around Jude's shaking body.

"Shh, I'm here sweetheart," She cooed. Tears falling from her eyes, "I'm here," She repeated.

"W-what d-do I d-do?" Jude asked as she cried into her mothers embrace.

"One day at a time baby girl," Cupping Jude's face in her hands Victoria placed a kiss on her daughters forehead, "One day at a time."

"I c-can't," Tears slipped from Jude's eyes, "Oh God…. _It hurts_."

Sadie and Stuart took seats next to Jude and Victoria each wrapping an arm around Jude. All four of them grieving the loss of Tommy, drawing in support from the other, while holding on to Jude. Her sobs echoing into their hearts, heartbreaking and devastating.

Evening hours passed slowly into night as the sun began to set behind the mountains in the distance. Colors changing against the skies expanse, pinks and purples blending into the other, swirling around the clouds as they drifted through the sun set. Victoria and Stuart Harrison held on to their daughters as one cried for her sister, while the other cried from a broken heart.

Night fell on the four as they sat on the grass, letting their tears blend into one.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Four Years Later…_

Walking barefoot through the grass Jude clutched her discarded shoes in one hand while the other gently held the small hand of her son. Four years had passed since Tommy's death, four incredibly long and rough years. She could not believe she had survived four days let alone years without having Tommy by her side.

After the funeral Sadie had opted to move into Jude's guest bedroom, staying with her to help Jude function with the day to day routines she felt too numb to do. Having her sister living with her had been so nice, Sadie was a saint. Aidan was so little and small, he needed so much care, care and love Jude was not able to give him.

Thinking back on the first month after the death Jude felt a pang of guilt swell inside of her gut and heart. She never planned on turning against her son, but the pain she felt over the loss of her husband shattered her, broke her so thoroughly she needed guidance just to walk on her own again. As much as she needed and appreciated Sadie's constant care Aidan was the one who ultimately pulled her out of her depression.

Sadie had gone out one night claiming she needed to get out of the house for a few hours, trusting Jude to take on her role of mother once again. Jude had repeatedly asked her sister not to leave her alone with Aidan, but Sadie heard nothing of it, she reassured Jude she was more than capable of being left alone, at least for a few hours. Fear had flooded through her, Jude had been terrified, the only other time she had been that scared was when she found out Tommy was dying.

How could she be so scared of her own son, how could she look into his eyes and find resentment because he resembled his father so much, how would she ever be able to look at him and find herself smile?--- those questions had been racing through her head that night when she was sitting on the couch while Aidan slept curled into the fetal position next to her.

_Aidan's even breathing filled the silent room as he slept next to his mother. His pajama clad body curled into a sleeping position. Sadie had given him a bath and dressed him for bed before taking off. Jude felt so ashamed, no mother treated their children the way she was. Tears threatened to fall as she quietly watched in agony._

_Tommy would be disappointed, Sadie was, and now Jude was finally realizing she was fast falling to the bottom; once she hit she knew there would be no way back up._

"_Oh God," Jude's hands lifted to cup her tear stained face as a sob broke lose, "I'm sorry."_

"_Mama?"_

_Jude's hands fell, startled out of her thoughts she looked over to see Aidan pulling himself into a seated position. His big blue eyes held worry and confusion, "Mama? Cry?" Before Jude could answer him Aidan's eyes filled with tears._

"_No," Instinctively Jude reached for her son, pulling him on to her lap, "Don't cry, mommy's just sad."_

_His little head bobbed up and down as small alligator tears slipped from his eyes. Children always sense when their parents are upset, Jude always had with her mom and dad, and now her son was crying because she was crying. Lifting him up Jude pulled Aidan against her chest, kissing the small patch of brown hair covering his head._

_Memories starting from when she first found out she was pregnant, through her long painful delivery, Tommy's death, the weeks following, good and bad… all of them flashing before Jude as she ran her shaking fingers through her sons hair, letting his tears soak into her shirt._

_Aidan's fingers pressed into Jude's arms softly rubbing her skin, sending chills throughout her entire body. He needed his mom… and Jude was finding out she needed her son. The only way for them to move on was to find love and comfort in one another._

"_I wuv you," Aidan's tearful voice murmured against Jude's chest._

_She smiled, her first smile since Tommy had died. "I love you," the first time Aidan told her he loved her._

"_I love you too kiddo," Pressing a kiss against his forehead, Jude smiled again at her son. He looked so much like her husband, another reminder Tommy would always be with her._

"Mommy?" Squinting from the sunlight Aidan looked up into his mothers eyes.

"Yes?"

"When will I ever get to see daddy?"

Her first instinct was to run, she knew questions would start coming. Aidan had just turned five the previous month, two weeks into Kindergarten, mingling with children who had two parents. Sucking in a deep breath Jude gently grabbed Aidan's other hand, squeezing them softly before opening her mouth to speak.

"I don't know. One day you will get to see him again."

"Why can't I right now?" His curiousness cutting into Jude.

"Because daddy is in Heaven, remember?"

Aidan nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer, "Can we go to Heaven right now?"

Jude smiled at her sons innocence, she would love to be with Tommy at that moment and every moment, "I sure wish we could sugar, but right now we're supposed to be here."

"Why?"

"Some questions have to go unanswered," Releasing one of his hands Jude cupped Aidan's chin bringing his face to look at hers, "Daddy was sick, he had to go to Heaven to get better. When people go to Heaven they wait for their families to come join them. So one day when it's our time me and you will get to go see daddy, and we'll get to stay with him."

"Do you think daddy is singing?"

"I do," Jude closed her eyes to wash away the tears threatening to fall. Oh how she missed her husband.

Looking up into the sky Jude watched as clouds drifted by, guarding the gates of Heaven. _I love you sweetheart… _Jude mouthed before smiling down at her son.

"Want to know what I do when I want to see your dad?"

"What?"

"I just start talking, I know daddy is out there somewhere watching over us. He may not be able to talk back, but in my heart and in yours, he's always there."

Aidan's eyes widened in excitement, "Can I talk to daddy right now?"

"If you want to."

Aidan grinned before running off. Jude watched in surprise as he sat down on a swing at the playground. His mouth moving a mile a minute as Jude made her way to him.

"This girl Jenny, she kissed me on the cheek. Like mommy does, but this was gross, she had slobber and it was yucky. I told her it was icky and she started crying," Jude grinned as Aidan chattered on without noticing her presence, "Mrs. Tucker, my teacher, she helped me make a card for mommy, to make her feel better. Mommy cries sometimes. She doesn't know, but I can hear her and it makes me sad. I miss you daddy," His little legs began to kick out in hopes of getting the swing to move.

"My favorite story is Moon, Moon, mommy tells it to me every night… she sings me the song you wrote me, the one about the pirates. I can't wait for Halloween, I get to pick out my costume, I want to be just like Jack Sparrow. Mommy tells me no, she says Jack drinks bad things and acts like someone I shouldn't be… instead to dress the way you would have, she said "_Captain Tommy" _is the best pirate out there."

"He is," Jude spoke from next to the swing-set, "He is the real role model, besides he was way more cute than Johnny Depp."

"Mommy!" Aidan made a face of disgust before nodding his head, "I look like daddy right?"

"Sure do handsome," Jude grinned.

"Then I guess I can be _Captain Tommy._"

"Good decision," Jude walked around the swing to stand behind her son, "Need a push?"

"Yes."

As the hours passed Jude and Aidan stayed at the park playing until the sun began to set. Stepping back Jude took a seat on one of the swings pulling Aidan into her embrace she helped him on to her lap. Digging her bare toes into the sand Jude gently began to rock the swing back and forth, holding on to her son, watching as the colors danced across the sky.

The wind whispered across their faces as Jude pushed the swing higher and higher, enjoying the moment with Aidan His laughter filled the air, and her heart. Pulling a piece that had fallen and gently putting it back.

Kicking her legs in and out Jude felt Tommy's presence with her, as she held on to their son she knew her husband would always be in her heart. Over the mountains the sun winked goodnight before disappearing behind the trees, leaving the sky to twinkle with the moon and the stars.

Nighttime slowly approached as mother and son let their moment free them of sadness, at least for the moment, it was their time to be happy again. To find love and to begin their journey together. Aidan's laughter was soon joined by Jude's as the swing lifted higher and higher. His small hands reaching for the stars, waving to his dad.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Sixty Years Later…_

"Moving on to our Entertainment news, Gracie Lang is live in Toronto; Gracie?"

"Thanks Nicole. I'm standing outside of G Major recording studio. As we reported earlier in the week music legend Jude Harrison passed away. This morning family and friends gathered for a memorial service, which was broadcasted live on CTV's Music Network. Fans have been paying their respects all hours since word first broke out of her death. Candles, flowers, letters, balloons and even stuffed animals surround the outer surface of G Major.

Fans we interviewed were greatly impacted by Jude's music, some of them have been fans of hers since she first started in the business when she was just fifteen years old. One fan left behind a guitar shaped music box, the note attached reading, _"May your music play on in everyone's heart,"_ She told me Jude was an inspiration to all, not only did her music touch lives but her endeavors to support cancer research were admirable."

"How did she get so involved in the crusade to find a cure for cancer?" Nicole asked over the air.

"After the death of her husband music star and respected producer Tommy Quincy, Jude was determined to support the foundations as much as she could."

"Didn't Tommy have a brain tumor?"

The cameras flashed back to Gracie before she spoke into her microphone, "That's correct. He was diagnosed shortly after he and Jude married. With treatment the tumor was cured, but about a year and a half later the tumor was back, and had sadly spread to other parts of his body. He died a year later, leaving behind Jude and their one year old son Aidan.

Three years after Tommy's death Jude began raising money for cancer research; never taking anything on full time. When her son was ten Jude founded a non-profit foundation she later named _21 H&Q. __21 H&Q _offers support for love ones of cancer patients, while raising funds to be divvied out to cancer research University's. Her foundation is still running strong today, her son Aidan took over ten years ago. Jude spent and dedicated herself to the company."

"If she was dedicated to _21 H&Q_, why and when did Jude get back into the music business?"

"Jude walked away when Tommy was re-diagnosed with cancer. According to her family at that time Jude had every intention of returning later on; once Tommy passed away Jude was devastated, she lived the next thirteen years forbidding anyone from mentioning her return to music.

When Aidan, her son turned fourteen he wanted to learn how to play guitar--- Jude brought out her old Gibson and taught him how. After that the music bug struck a chord in her heart. The next year Jude was back at G Major recording again; she never toured, only agreeing to do performances here and there.

When interviewed about her music career Jude is quoted saying, "_I had many offers from different record companies, but I'll never leave G Major. My music is in my heart, and since my heart is with my husband, I feel grounded here. When I'm recording a song I can see Tommy sitting behind the soundboard like he used to. I can never leave that; these people are my second family." _

And a second family they were. Everyone here at G Major loved and adored Jude. Her music expands over four decades, throughout her career Jude released twenty-two albums, twenty of them reaching number one on record charts; forty number one songs, ten music videos staying in the top three for more than two months; sold out concerts and a top selling autobiography. Over the expanse of her career Jude received many awards and top honors.

All of her profit Jude gave away; money from the albums she put into trust funds for her family, all other profits Jude earned she gave away to _21 H&Q _and many other charities. To say the least, Jude led a great life, showing the world her amazing talents.

Jude Harrison Quincy, mother of one, grandmother of four, and great-grandmother of two. Daughter, sister, wife, friend and inspiration to all passed away last week of natural causes in her sleep; she was eighty-five years old.

Reporting live from G Major studios I'm Gracie Lang, Nicole back to you."

"Thank you Gracie. As mentioned earlier Jude Harrison's memorial service was held this morning, following the service family gathered for a private burial. This music icon was buried next to her husband, Tommy Quincy." Shuffling papers Nicole faced the camera again, "Thank you all for tuning in, we will be ending our broadcast tonight with footage of Aidan Quincy speaking at his mothers memorial. Until next time, may Jude's music play on in everyone's lives and hearts."

* * *

**_Aidan's Speech_**

"_No one can ever prepare themselves for this kind of day; a day in which we say our final goodbye; goodbye to someone who taught us all with just one smile what the meaning of love is. My mother, Jude Harrison Quincy was and will always remain one of a kind; a true and rare gem. I could not have been more blessed with a better mother. My mom was beautiful from the inside out, her eyes sparkled and her voice could melt any heart," Pausing Aidan glanced across the room observing all his friends and family taking in their teary eyes._

"_She would have been angry at us all for crying right now," Gently smiling he continued, "Determined and stubborn beyond belief my mom lived each day with one wish; to make sure I was raised right. After my dad passed away she was forced to raise me alone, she was my mom but suddenly she was also my dad. She cooked, cleaned, did all other household chores; she also did the yard work, learned how to change a car tire; she even put up a brave front with it came to killing spiders," Smiling along with everyone as they softly chuckled at the thought of Jude killing a spider Aidan felt a pang in his heart._

"_My mother was everything to me, my rock, my shield. She always made it clear I could go to her for anything; and I did. One thing I'll miss the most about her, just being able to pick up the phone and hear her welcoming voice on the other end," Clearing his throat Aidan wiped away a tear, "I know I'm rambling on into many directions, but trying to find the right words to say are incredibly hard. There are not enough of them to describe how amazing my mom was._

_One gift she gave me; not too long ago actually, was pictures of my dads final days. Not just of him, but him and I. Mom had them in a box, hidden away. She explained to me when I was growing up she wanted me to know my father for who he was, not for what took him. I hold no memories of my dad, but in my heart he was always with me, and with my mom._

_She showed me pictures, played me his songs, told me stories; watched home movies with me. We even baked dads favorite cake every year on his birthday," Closing his eyes tightly letting a few tears escape Aidan chocked down a sob, "Sorry--- about those pictures… there is one of the three of us. Mom sitting on the bed with her left arm carefully holding me while her right hand is tightly intertwined with dads. To anyone we look like a normal family, to those who knew the truth, there is so much more. A man who was dying, a woman whose heart was breaking, and a child who only knew love. Even though there was so much pain in the air, in both my parents eyes, I see love. Love for me and more importantly love for one another."_

_Aidan's wife, seated in the front row met his eyes, slowly she smiled, giving him silent support to go on, "Now that I am married I know and understand that kind of love. I cannot fathom_ _the thought of losing my wife, let alone having to raise my kids without her; how my mom survived astounds me. Then again my mom was braver than anyone._

_Right now I know she's with my dad, making beautiful music. They were an incredible team. Somewhere they are singing to the angels," Closing his eyes, picturing his parents, "Sixty years is a long time to make up for," Tilting his head up Aidan opened his eyes, "Mama, thanks to your great love this world is a better place. Give dad a hug for me---from hello to goodbye I love you, I love you, I love you."_

_**The End**_

* * *

**A/N: And there you guys have it. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to not only read this story but to leave me comments. You guys have been amazing and I truly appreciate all the kind words. I know this was not the easiest story to read. Not everyone wants to read about death, especially that of a beloved character.**

**Life is not always full of bubbly happy times, but it does make a difference in how every person goes about it. One comment that really touched me from Allysonconflicted said _"This story has made me realize that the little things in life are important," _WOW! **

**I really had hopes of sending that message across. A smile, a simple hello, even a hug can makes the world of differences in a persons life. When Stuart shaved Tommy's face, I wanted the impact of that to ring forth. Stuart was simply doing something all men do, yet to Tommy it was an act of love. Same with having Aidan be dressed in a pirate costume, it sounded corny but I thought it was something small Tommy would like.**

**The journey from Hello to Goodbye is in our hands, it's up to us to decide how to live it out.**

**Thanks again for reading!**

**Love to you all,**

**Cyndi**


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